We all wonder who are kids will be when they grow up. (And don’t lie, we all kinda wonder who that monster kid from down the street will be, too…and hope they move away before we find out.) We watch our little darlings for signs of talents or passions, and look away from the things we hope are just phases. We can shoehorn a career into every random thing they do.
What? That’s just me?
So what. Back off.
10 – INTERPRETER: Why close the door when you can teach someone the signs? “Mama, just so you know, when my hands are holding the toilet seat, that means I’m going number one. If they’re patting my legs, it means number two.”
9 – HEALTH INSPECTOR – My kids examine every restaurant bathroom at least once per visit. Sometimes twice. Three times if the soap smells good.
8 – PRIVATE EYE: Grandma Bunny, the ONLY parental figure in the Max & Ruby series is a rabbit unafraid of getting old as her birthday is celebrated in every other book.
7 – SNITCH: ME: “They’re having so much fun, but we should really head home soon. I haven’t cooked a real meal in a while.” FRIEND’S MOM “I know. ONE told me you’ve made her nothing but pancakes and raviolis this week and what her tummy really wants is a ‘healthy dinner.’”
6 – AIRPORT SECURITY: I bet you didn’t even notice they felt you up, did you?
5 – HUSTLER – “See Mama?” she said, stuffing lunch money into the top of her shirt. “I told you, I don’t need to bring a backpack to school.”
4 - GAME SHOW HOST – “Just answer the question, Mama. Would you rather drink ranch dressing, or chop off TWO’s head?”
3 – BABYSITTER: So far neither have drowned while watching each other in the bathtub.
2 – LIVIA SOPRANO: “Just kill me, Mama! It’s your only chance of me not being mean.”
1 – MONSTER KID FROM DOWN THE STREET: “I didn’t mean for her to get hurt! I just wanted to see if she wouldn’t fall! I just wanted to give her a challenge!”
Guess who’s retiring young? That’s right. My kids rule.
©2011 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.