10 – The second she enters home court, the saltwater in the air resurrects her foul, foul mouth. (And people, it’s CURSE, not CUSS.)
9 – Either she or someone she knows got beat up in Long Branch.
8 – She takes you to one, if not all of these places on your first visit.
7 – She could really care less about Springsteen or Bon Jovi, so please stop bringing them up. There is much more interesting, relevant talent from Jersey about to blow up. Like this girl. Her days of singing backup are ending as we speak. Let’s talk about her instead.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuBhjBQKrW4&feature=related]
6 – She can still find ways to include the following places in conversation, and bless her heart, she still does: The Tunnel, The Limelight and/or The Roxy.
5 – She’ll take many an opportunity to remind you that the Silver Diner, the Waffle House, Johnny Rockets and any other chains of this nature are Not. Real. Diners.
4 – She sometimes pronounces coffee, “caw-fee,” onion, “ung-yun,” and God, “Gawd.” She just does. And she’s only pretending to be slightly embarrassed by the fact that her kids are saying them that way too. And even if she says them to your liking one day, they will always revert back when she returns home. Or if you piss her off and her best retort includes one of the above words.
3 – She is ambivalent about real, true NYers. During fall, winter and spring, she likes them just fine. In fact, when she’s in the city she walks around pretending to be one of them. But in the summer…now that’s a different story. And don’t you dare judge her for this until you’re stuck behind like a hundred of them at the Lighthouse or 7-11 in the wee hours of the early morn’.
(And people, we know who you are before you open your mouths. And while we’re on the subject, yours is the only accent worse than ours.
PS: It’s called the BEACH, not the SHORE.
PPS: It’s okay. They feel the same way about us. It’s healthy, really. It’s how our neighboring states squabble over the “Armpit of America” status. We’ve currently got that one in the clutch. Gooooooo Jersey!)
2 – She’ll cut you off on the road, and in conversation.
1 – She may not know what’s right for her, but she KNOWS what’s right for you. You better listen. And BTW, if you don’t, you got a cawfee, an ung-yun and the fires of Gawd headed your way.
©2008 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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{ 13 comments }
You said it Girl! I ALWAYS love returning to Jersey after one of my gallavanting adventures. I also loved to drop the “im from Jersey” when I actually LIVED in NYC….it always went over well : )
LOL! I am sure I could come up with something very similar for me being from TX. That was pretty good…
Good stuff! Doesn’t everyone pretend they’re from New York when they’re in New York?
And I KNOW. My LongIslandese fights its way out regularly.
Very nice.
And I’m sad to admit that I can actaully recall this, but that song in #7 was recently used in an Old Navy commercial. Don’t ask why I know these things. I just do.
It may not be a diner, but never blaspheme The Waffle House. As a southerner, I learned quickly that late night Waffle House was the first stage of hangover avoidance after a long night of shenanigans in college. Nothing better to put on top of a stomach full of cheap beer than a greasy order of hash browns scattered, covered, and chunked.
Dear Good Sir,
We thank you for your opinion and promise to take your request into consideration. However, as Jersey Girls are also quite stubborn, we make no promises.
Sincerely,
Staff
Love it. oh my gawd.
You’re awesome!
Here’s one…cannot stand to eat a piece of pizza anywhere south of Trenton. Once you’ve had jersey pizza, pizza hut and all those other pitiful places taste like pizza cake!
d (Perth Amboy–you got a f*!king problem with that?)
Cute post! I really like that girl (I heard this song on Grey’s Anatomy…back when I used to watch it).
i didn’t know allie worked with ingred michaelson. i LOVE her! i checked out a lot of allie’s videos. she’s so amazing.
ah-ha! ::sigh:: It’s all so true.
I’m a jersey girl and proud of it! I miss my little state!