What is Sinners’ Club? I’m glad you asked. Click —> here
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If you’ve ever spent an extended time with Christians, you’ve probably heard them speak about “hearing God’s voice.” Some people claim to hear Him audibly, others in their dreams or through messages taught by a pastor. For me, hearing God’s voice comes in thoughts. Which, given my head, can be dangerous to trust sometimes. But the thoughts are usually peaceful…and entirely against my nature. My first response is often, “Thanks, but no way.” Because God doesn’t call me to do things I’m comfortable with. Ever.
The best way I can describe hearing His voice is with this story:
When I was 24 and just a few months away from receiving a Bachelor’s degree in writing for Film and Television, I had two very exciting things happen. First, I found out that I was a finalist for an internship with the Academy of Arts and Sciences (The Emmy Awards people) in LA. And second, out of 52 people who had pitched their screenplays during the Philadelphia Film Festival, I was one of handful who had a producer (also from LA) pick up their script.
To say I was high on life was an understatement. I had dreamed of LA for years, wanting a career in writing more than anything else. This was it. I was on my way. That night I felt an urgent thought. “Write a letter to your High School Drama Teacher and thank him.” Simple? Hardly. I was appalled.
My high school drama teacher and I despised each other. We got into a heated fight my freshman year and he told some lies about me and I never forgave him. I spent the remainder of my high school career loathing him with everything I had and he spent that time sticking me in the chorus. I hadn’t thought about him in years, but clearly I hated him still.
I dismissed the ridiculous thought to thank him. I brooded over it, though. Thank him for what? For ruining my dreams of the stage? But the thought was persistent. It popped into my mind as I was falling asleep or walking to class or anytime I was silent. Never accusingly. It felt as light as a feather floating to the ground.
Little by little I entertained the thought. What would I write? My mental drafts started off with variations of, “Hey, thanks for not believing in me! Because you stomped on me when I was 15, I turned to writing and…” But then I started remembering the other things. The way he encouraged me to write. The way he pushed me and other students to use stories I wrote in acting competitions. An exercise, I realized, that taught me how to pitch my own work. And finally I remembered the time he secretly entered a play I wrote in an East Coast Playwriting Contest and it won. How had I forgotten?
I was humbled. My drama teacher saw that I wasn’t an actor long before I did. He knew I was a writer. I started questioning my angsty memory. Had he really lied about me? Or did I filter what happened through the angry eyes of an embarrassed teenager? And did it even matter anymore? I prayed that God would forgive my stubborn heart and help me write the letter. It was pretty easy in the end. Because in the end I was grateful.
A few weeks later he wrote me back.
He congratulated me on my success. He noted that my last name had changed and congratulated me on getting married. And then he told me that my letter reached him on the day he found out he had cancer and was questioning everything in his life. He was especially questioning his legacy as a teacher, as his diagnosis wasn’t good. My letter gave him encouragement when he needed it most.
I cried as I read his letter. God knew just how long it would take me to respond to His calling and His timing was, as it always is, perfect. I was overwhelmed as I sat there. Feeling a closeness to the God who was with all people all the time and KNEW exactly what my drama teacher was going to need at that very moment. And because I responded, I got to experience true forgiveness, which filled an angry void in my life with peace, and unknowingly lift the spirits of a dying man.
© 2010 CEK. All Rights Reserved.
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*teary* Amazing story…just amazing. That is all.
AND…now that I’ve composed myself a little…congrats on your successes! Did you do the internship? What happened to the script? And, while we’re at it, what is the book you’re working on? Need more info, please, so I can cheer louder.
Thanks for asking, Ink. You’re awesome!
I wound up not getting the internship OR my movie made. The script is either still floating out there or, more likely, recycled. Since LA didn’t pan out I wound up moving to DC because my husband got an internship here. Then we got jobs in the area and here we still are. Funny how life works out. As for my current project, it’s a mixed-media book for new moms. And it just so happens that it’s on its way back from my awesome editor for the last draft/polish! Woo hoo! Then I start shopping it around.
Anyone out there happen to be an agent? :)
You brought tears to my eyes! Yes, God’s timing is always perfect. Weird that other people see what’s in us while we just see our dreams.This was a beautiful and amazing story. And congrats on your career…you are indeed talented with words.
Amazing story….glad you listened to the voice.
Yep, a little weepy in the morning. Thanks! I’ll tell people it’s the hormones and not your fantastic blog making me cry first thing…
Holding grudges never works out. There is always another side and it’s great you finally saw you had a supporter..
Moving post.
Well, at least you know that you’re Emmy-internship and script-able material. That has got to be comforting as heck! I think in my brain you just turned into a little gold statuette.
Anyway, the book sounds fascinating! Can’t wait to hear more about it. (I’m confused, though…is the editor from the publisher? And if so, what do you need an agent for at this point since it’s already placed? No matter what, I CANNOT WAIT to buy it.) You really are such a talented and wonderful writer mom. Honored to know you.
Ok, so not just cheering louder but also doing herkies, too. Keep rocking the writing world, sister.
Thank you so much, Ink! You totally made my day.
The editor is independent. She’s not with a publishing house. I wanted to have my manuscript in the best shape possible before submitting it. She’s a rock star and has done amazing things with my book. I kinda *heart* her, can you tell?
Okay, ck, I think I’ve asked you before to stop making me cry all the time! :p
On second thought, keep it coming! You are a brilliant writer and a constant testiment to many, many good things. As always, thank you for sharing a beautifully written piece. And 1000 blessings on your book!
“All in God’s time” is something I remember my mom telling/teaching me. He knows exactly what we need and when. Glad you listen to those thoughts. I, too, believe God “speaks” to me in this manner …and I also believe He sent me to your blog for a reason. God bless you ck! HAve a wonderful week!
I just recently found your blog and am already addicted. This post was phenomenal. Isn’t it amazing how our wonderful God works things, even when we think he doesn’t at the time.
the power of forgivness amazes me constantly. You rock!
I hear you loud and clear.
It’s the song I hear when I turn on the Christian radio station – I didn’t know I needed it, but end up pulling over to the side of the road to cry.
It’s the words my daughter speaks that seem so trivial and innocent to her but touch me deep within the hardened parts of my heart.
It’s the sermon from the Priest during the Mass I was *this close* to skipping that made me feel he was speaking just to me.
Great post, CK.
Nothing touches my soul more that reconciled hearts. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. Up there with true love.
Btw, I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of your book!
This is an awesome story and truly a great example of faith and how we are all connected so much more than we realize. Thank you for sharing. I love your blog. Just found you on naptimewriting and going to follow you. You are a talented and insightful writer. Come visit me sometime if you wish:
http://organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/
Wow! What an amazing story! Life is weird like that…I want to believe in God – I do, in someways but I have never had the big dramatic effect…just subtle things…but I’m resolved right now to go with the flow and see where it leads me – not to fight against it too much because I might not be seeing the bigger picture at first when i’m caught up in emotion. Just gotta have a little faith I keep telling myself…but it is so hard when you see so many disasters of the world around you – like the people of Haiti – it is hard when you look at them and think of all the rest of the suffering in the world. When I think about it that way, I feel like my desires and wants are nothing, that I am ungrateful because I already have so much more than the average human being. Why do I think I deserve these things when others have so little?
Anyway…I don’t understand it but at the same time I still have to cling to something so I do…in some small way and I tell myself that it is all part of a bigger design…or so I hope.
This story comes at a good time for me personally… I was starting to waiver on my good mood of moving forward and getting over my boyfriend but you just reminded me of the bigger picture again that I might not know…and that has given me a little more strength than I had 5 minutes ago! Thanks xxx
I’m very behind in my blog reading and jumped over here to read the latest. As usual, you’ve moved my heart. What an amazing testimony and way to explain hearing God speak. Again, thank you for your writing. It’s such a gift, such a blessing!
Ok, got it! Good luck…I hope that you get the VERY BEST agent in the world. Who would be lucky to represent you. Seriously.
What a sad but amazing life experience. I to am a believer that God speaks to us. I also know that just claiming to be a good christain is not enough. Being envolved in fellowship is so very important. I am new to all this. Being forced as a child to attend church, as an adult I refused to attend. It is amazing how a life changing experience can bring you right back to where you really need to be. I am thankful every day for the things God has done for me in my life. Thank you so much for sharing this so personal storey.
Thanks! Your blog post inspired me to heed that voice in my head last night. Mine actually came in a dream, to contact someone I knew way back when in college and offer her some encouragement. I ignored it for a month, but now it is done. I really enjoy your blogs. Keep up the good work.
Great post!
As usual!
I’m amazed at how well you can lead us along the mommy blog trail and switch gears, keeping us enthralled.
I’m super excited about your book! GOOOOOO, CK! Except, if you’re working on your final draft, does that mean you’ll go MIA again? Because I only have so many black maternity shirts to wear in mourning.
I teared up when I read and re-read this wonderful story. I remember many of the “parts” of this story but seeing it in writing – wow. I just had to send it around to my email and work friends. You must get so bored when I say it but I’m so proud of you! Love, Dad
Confession: I was really worried when I read your explanation of sinners’ club.
I live in a part of the country where “Christian” seems code for “I do not like you or anything you stand for.” But maybe I’m just projecting. Anyway, this was a lovely story, and I can definitely relate to the comfort that comes from finding someone who truly wants to answer questions regarding spirituality, rather than just tell you what you should blindly believe.
But if you ask me whether I’ve found a church home, yet, I might have to run, ck.
:-)
Wow, what awesome timing. I’m glad you were able to write the letter and that he received it at the right time. Did you ever find out what happened to your teacher? I hope he’s ok.
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