There are windows everywhere, even on the ceiling. Light bounces off of the floors that stretch on and on. We follow her down a long, narrow hallway.
“And don’t worry,” she chirps, “they’ll be exhausted for the first week. They always are. In fact,” she laughs at herself, “we have extra patrol in the cafeteria the first few weeks because they’re so tired that many of them fall asleep while they’re eating lunch.” She laughs again.
She laughs alone.
We see the rooms they’ll go to for “specials,” and we’re relayed information by way of exclamation point. They’ll have art twice a week! Gym twice a week! Music twice a week! Spanish three times a week! She shows us more light! and projects! and colors!
I see a lot of orange.
The cafeteria has one of the only cooking kitchens in the county. Kids buy their lunches with debit cards that their parents can monitor online. The school provides kindergartners extra assistance in the lunchroom because they always need help opening milk cartons and getting ketchup out of packets because their hands are still so tiny.
They used to have computers in their own room, but then they ran out of classrooms, so the computer lab is now wireless and on a cart. They’re ordering a trailer for next year for the older kids, but that’s okay since kids and teachers LOVE trailers! And since they’re anticipating 5 kindergarten classes instead of 4 (which recently rose from 3), they encourage us to register now so they know how many teachers to order for the fall.
I walk away after she empathizes with the concern and anxiety of new kindegarten parents. After she promises us a room with coffee and pastries after we drop our kids off on that first day in case we want to cry and support each other. I need to get away from the colors! I need to get away from the blue.
I know by the second week I’ll be fine. Just like I was fine when I got used to daycare, and then preschool, and then summer vacation. But for now I’m overwhelmed and a little sad. So I stop for some comfort on the way home, letting the babysitter meter run.
I park my car behind dirty McDonalds and pick through my dollar menu support. I think about how close I am to the 7 hours-per-day I’ve spent the last five years dreaming about in theory.
Six more months. I hope she’s ready.
Six more months. I hope I’m ready.
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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
The thought of #2 heading off in 6 short months makes me ill. I will miss him. He will miss me. We NEED each other. I will still have #3 @ home to chase after, but #2 is different. Because he NEEDS me. The other two, they sorta just like me sometimes, occasionally, periodically… But, #2, he NEEDS me. And, I’ve been bad about letting him. We can virtually hold each others’ hands when the day comes. If I can pry his fingers offa mine to get him on the bus that is.
Oh, not sure if I mentioned this before, but I LOVE your new site. So functional, and perfect. Good work.
One will be ready. But you won’t be. You won’t be ready for that moment when she finally turns toward the school and walks away from you, leaving you with only glimpses of the huge backpack on her tiny body. But you’ll get used to it and come to peace with it, and eventually, even enjoy it. But on that first day? Bring a very large pair of sunglasses.
What surprised me the most about K was that I thought I was ready. I walked her in the first day and she barely looked back at me. I walked out of the building crying – which is highly unusual for me. And I agree with Gibby – the backpack on that tiny little body, that little body…the one that you loved before you even saw? It’s a tear-jerker.
Oh honey please. She’s ready. The kids are ALWAYS ready. It’s us that makes things hard. Lael didn’t cry until she saw ME cry. She was just fine and so will your baby…I mean big girl. :)
My baby starts next fall. I must admit I can’t WAIT, but maybe that’s because she has been in all day preschool since she was 2. The only difference for us is when the yellow school bus drives down our country lane and the little body carrying the big backpack as she climbs up the big steps…that’s when my husband will lose it. I’ll be doing the happy dance!
Oh, your post and the comments made me tear up…I’m THAT upset about my last baby going to Kindergarten. ..
So you’re going full-time after ONE’s in K5?
My mom stayed home and always sang “you are my sunshine” with my little sister. Around college-aged, I told her that I was always a little sad that her and I never sang the song.
“But GOONIE, we started singing that song about YOU. The first day of kindergarten, DOOZER missed you so much and she wasn’t coping well. So YOU are the sunshine we were singing about.”
Open mouth, insert foot. Open heart, let it spill out…
Lesson: don’t forget about TWO’s grief. She can’t really plan for ONE’s departure and when it happens, you may be faced with some new challenges.
THANK YOU, GoonieMomma. I was so wrapped up in myself and the way I’d hear Madonna’s “This Used to be My Playground” in my head as I walked away from the school that I completely forgot about what this would be like for TWO. You are so right. Always new challenges. But it’s tips like these that make all the difference.
Wow, they have lockers and everything? That seems so grown-up to me…
She’ll be great. It’s kind of a rough transition for mommy, though.
Oh the trials and tribulations of parenthood! Who knew it could cause so many tears of joy, grief and just plain sadness! My daughter starts in the Fall and I am not sure either of us are really ready. She has been at home with me for all her life…all 4.5 yrs of it, she has not attended pre-school ever, (we can’t afford it I am sad to say, it is just too expensive here and with only 1 parent really working and some other parent not paying child support, well money is tight!) she has gone to VBS (Vacation Bible School) for 2 yrs in a row in summer, BUT and this is a huge BUT….she has had her older sisters (16 & 15 this yr) with her and it is Mon-Fri from 9-12, so not very long, not compared to Kindergarten, either 8-1 or 9-2….so I just have to pray and try to prepare her!
She’ll be fine. Kids always are.
I just read GoonieMomma’s comment and I totally agree. The last person I thought about during the all-day school transition was Chuckles, left at home. She had a very hard time of it, acting out in different ways, and I couldn’t figure out what happened to my easy-going baby. Several weeks went by before I realized that she missed her sister. (I’m pretty slow that way.)
Dude. You cannot possibly by SLOWER than me. I swear, I don’t realize these things until my kids are completely out of one stage and into the next. My poor kids.
Wow – way to capture the emotion perfectly! My oldest will start kindergarten in 2011 and I can barely believe it. I send him off to preschool everyday but somehow the start of “real” school is so sad/exciting. I’m sure I’ll be a mess on that first day…hell, the first week probably.
good work CK..this one really hit the spot! I’ll never forget when my #1 was the first one in the building this year at nursery school. She ran in and never even looked back. I cried, the moment was so bittersweet. I was so proud and yet so sad to see her fly!
Kindergarten. Bittersweet. Different for each mom and for each kid. It’s a shocking time, but also very exciting. A new adventure for ONE. And you and TWO will adjust to life anew and before you know it you won’t remember the way you felt about this until you read this post again. Which, I KNOW, is also kind of a sad thought. And yet, life moves forward. It’s what it does and what we, also, do…despite everything, for good or for bad.
The lockers though? Yeah. Daunting. But Kindergartners are pretty well protected from my experience. In the lunch room, from the bullying, by teachers AND parents. It’ll be a good year, Mama.
Oh how sad. It has been a l O N G time since my kids were even in grade school. BUT I do remember the first day my daughter (1st born) went to school. It broke my heart. I wanted to be there with her all day to see the smile on her face as she learned all those “NEW” things.
It will get easier. I promise.
This is so hard….I’ve done it twice and have to do it again in another year. It’s so hard to watch them go!!! We’ll all be here in blogiverse with hugs and pino when she goes…
Awe, I’m both sad and happy for you at the same time!
I am procrastinating submitting forms for Kindergarten, on purpose. As if, August won’t come just because I don’t want it to so soon.
I cannot imagine tiny Dimples going into such a big building. I cannot imagine ONE doing it either. God help us moms when the time comes.
My one day a week Mothers’ Day Out program damn near killed me. I sobbed the entire way to the car. I can’t even imagine being in your shoes…but when I am, can I borrow your sunglasses?
Ps. That sounds like an AWESOME school.
I had a plan that I was going to homeschool each child alone for their pre-K year – K4, headstart whatever, but that didn’t work out last year, so this year I had the eldest for kindergarten. For various reasons which I shall one day enumerate, it didn’t go so swimmingly and she and I decided she’d go to school. Only, I couldn’t stand the thought of sending my little one to all day kindergarten, not in the least because I didn’t think she’d handle the transition well. So she goes to short day church school where the other 2 go. Next year, though, she’ll be at regular school and I’m nervous thinking about it, too. Not my BABY! (But also, “how much longer until they’re all 3 in school?!)
Thanks for reminding me. Where’s a paper bag when I need one?
Oh my gosh, I just realized that you have all day kindergarten! So, this would be the equivalent to what my children went through their first grade year. First off, they will be tired until November not just for the first week. Not an exaggeration, just how it is. People warned me of that and I brushed it off. It’s true. Second, those large sunglasses that Gibby mentioned are a must if you hope to walk away with an ounce of your dignity that day. Remember, you will be with all of these people for the next 6 years. So, dignity is good. Third, she will be ready. You will not be. Fourth, don’t forget about the impact this will have on TWO. I went through hell with R and could not figure out what was going on. I, too, am slow like that. It was horrible. If you know about it ahead of time, you can help curb some of it. Lastly, just breathe. Everyone will adjust. Like all new stages, it will take time. But, this step is necessary. Two years into elementary school and I still miss them everyday. They’ve adjusted just fine, I still don’t know if I have.
I was just thinking the other day that in sept of 2011 my guy goes off to kindergarten. I got a little verklemped just thinking about it. I think we will be full days by then as well. It’s crazy how fast time goes. One minute diapers the next, school.
Awww – you’ll make it through. Trust me. On my boys first day the school handed out little baggies to the parents after we dropped off. I was fine until I opened it – a little travel size kleenex pack, 3 Hershey’s kisses and a sweet poem about how they were going to take such good care of my kids. I burst into tears! I won’t lie. It’s a tough day, that first day of school.
It will be okay…think of all the interesting stories and characters she will talk about when she gets home…Think of all the time you will have with Two!
It is hard, it is an adjustment, but this is what you are working towards…independence. And it begins with Kindergarten!
My oldest starts Kindergarten this fall also. I’m totally freaked out at the prospect. Always good to know that I’m not alone:) Good luck this fall!
We just got the paper inviting us to Kindergarten sign-up… Even though my youngest has been in half day pre-school the last two years, THIS will be hard, I know.
It is the first realization that I no longer have someone little living in my house. :(
6 months for ONE, 11 months for Amy. How does it go so fast?
pretty much my nightmare, BMM. The knowledge that it will be okay and it’s going to happen and they’ll be fine and I’m totally not okay with it and what happens if and what happens when and what happens if if if if.
Sigh.
The school sounds amazing (exclamation point!). I love how you captured the emotion of the moment and how the pictures compliment that. You’re amazing.
Preschoolers who receives special education services or speech therapy ride the bus to school to receive services as young as 2 yo. Imagine those little ones with their enormous backpacks! They send ‘em pretty young these days. I’m only scared because Kindergarten has become so much more academic (when I was young, Kindergarten was what preschool is now) and it’s going to be a hard shift for her from play-based preschool.
You did good Momma ((((HUGS))))
Aww man, kindergarten ALREADY? Ugh. It’s somehow different than dropping them off for half days, isn’t it? She’ll love it though, being a BIG girl. And you will too.