I love my life.
Welcome to Second Child Temper Tantrums.
Glad you could join us. Now, put down your pencils and forget everything you thought you knew about these full-body fits, because the rules have changed.
If you’re like me, you’ve probably forgotten some of the nuances of the newbie tantrum. You’ve probably also gotten so comfortable (resigned) with the patterns and precedents set by the OLDER CHILD that you’ve forgotten that the YOUNGER CHILD has lived his/her life immersed in their siblings’ bouts of rage. So subconsciously, the YOUNGER CHILD already knows what does/doesn’t work.
This sucks for you.
Especially because if they’re close in age, the OLDER CHILD is probably STILL throwing tantrums of her own. So now you’ve got two kids going at the same time when all you wanted was a few minutes to collect yourself. Feeling overwhelmed? Need a refresher? A little thought organization? No worries. (See below.)
Triggers:
- OLDER CHILD: triggers are individual to the situation, but can be anticipated. They follow the phrase, “No.”
- YOUNGER CHILD: triggers include, but are not limited to, “No,” “Yes,” “I’ll share it with you,” and “You need to apologize to your sister.”
Volume:
- OLDER CHILD: tantrums have a violent eb and flow. Which means that there is occasional quiet. Either way, if the child is closed off in another room you can pretty much ignore it. Even the loud, louder and loudest parts.
- YOUNGER CHILD: tantrums cannot be trusted in another room, so it is often somewhere on your person. And the YOUNER CHILD also knows that the only effective setting is “loudest.”
Weight:
- OLDER CHILD: tantrums can usually be directed to their room by a swift gesture of the arm. In extreme cases the OLDER CHILD will still have to be handled. But they know what happens if the parent is harmed in the room-to-room transfer.
- YOUNGER CHILD: tantrums are heavy and are not concerned about how throwing their weight, twisting their torso, and aiming for the wood floor hurts your back, arms, ears, etc.
Innocent Bystanders:
- OLDER CHILD: tantrums often take out dolls, stuffed animals, books, walls, other items in the bedroom. But the OLDER CHILD knows if they break ‘em, there are no replacements.
- YOUNGER CHILD: tantrums make contact with parents, siblings, grandparents and anyone else dumb enough to get close. The YOUNGER CHILD can be expected to pull hair, kick faces and temporarily blow out ear drums.
Walk of Shame:
- OLDER CHILD: is the owner of this moment.
- YOUNGER CHILD: ….oh just back off, okay? All of you. Just sit there, with your good stinkin’ kid, all behaved and quiet and playing nicely and feel relieved yours isn’t the one with dirt on their face, snot slipping down their lip and tears soaking their shirt. Watch the shortcut I take to exit. You’ll need it.
Additives/ Preservatives:
- OLDER CHILD: includes excuses, social commentary, and reasons why.
- YOUNGER CHILD: includes yanking (their own) hair, banging their bodies against something wall-like and rolling their eyes to the back of their heads. Public, private, everyone’s invited.
Duration
- OLDER CHILD: Dude. Stop stressing. You’re not a bad parent when your kid screams for > 1 hour. If you tune in, it’s often quite entertaining to listen to your child debate you when you’re not physically part of the conversation.
- YOUNGER CHILD: Besides, you’ll now appreciate how short these things really are. First time around you died a little inside and blamed yourself. After watching the individual fit grow with your child, this tiny fart of a tantrum is actually quite funny. DON’T LAUGH, though. That would be stupid.
Just like every other phase in your child’s life, enjoy the baby tantrum while it lasts. Smile, take pictures, and lie about it in you child’s baby book. Because at this point when your newbie quiets down, the tantrum is usually over. They’re done. Happy. And quietly moving on.
..and you already know how long that will last.
©2009 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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{ 45 comments }
Fun times, right?
I figure I’ve still got ohhhhh, about 10 months before Isaac starts. Enough time to build a padded room or stock up on earplugs. Either way.
Here’s some advice, don’t have another. The third kid tantrum blows #1 (mine never even had one, still hasn’t and he’s 7) and #2 (who I thought was a king among men in this regard) out of the water. He was trained by the best and is a quick learner. Like, why did he have his first tantrum like the day he turned 1? A little early, right? He employs all of the techniques reserved for a seasoned veteran, with an extra dose of crazy. Why? Because he’s been taking notes. He know that he can kick my face, rip my shirt, throw his plate on the ground, and try to break my camera (but the buck tops right there, Mister), and what am I gonna do? #2 is still alive so he figures he has a pretty good chance of surviving anything I can throw at him. Guess he’s right. I really need to up my crazy to deal with this kid. Good luck with yours:)
Yes, taking pictures of the tantrums is priceless!
I, once upon a time, thought counting was good. I said ONE, TWO and then she looked at me with her hands on her hips and yelled THREE.
Dammit.
And why is it that if you choose to totally disengage you are no better off? Damn them and their tantrums. At least they won’t be doing this still at 18, as my grandmother would say. Or will they? Imagine the horror on graduation day when your daughter’s gown rips on the way up to receive her diploma and she throws herself on stage, before the president of the college, writhing in tantrum. Oh no she didn’t!
I second the motion on not stressing over tantrums.
The best place to do this is actually in public. Stand around with all the other onlookers and verbally bash the terrible mom who let that happen.
Eventually, your child will catch on. If mommy doesn’t get upset/cowtow to his whims, it’s just not worth doing.
Hahaha. I was thinking the same thing as PBD! My first two didn’t really have bad or a lot of tantrums. I have no idea why, nor do I know how I prevented, or got them to stop quickly which is why #3 blows em all away! Screaming at the top of his lungs, headbanging the wall or floor, (and not just once) kicking, tears, snot, you name it. He puts the other two to shame. It’s like all their tanturms were saved up just for this one child to spew forth into my world.
I think the best part was when you said it can be funny to listen to them try to debate you. I couldn’t agree more. I find the whole tantrum thing to be pretty stinkin’ hilarious in a sick sort of way. I’m not sure what that says about my mental health, though.
Noted….
Thanks for the refresher course. We’re still in the 1+ stage for both kids but I guess I’ll appreciate it while it lasts since the grudge holding thing is coming up next.
Oh, no, never laugh. Never, ever, ever. (I have learned this the hard way.)
LOL, you will never beleive me whenI say this but none of mine have thrown tantrums. I know I nip it at thw whining stage. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE WHINING. The again I have always dealt with oys so mabye Jenny is totally going to kicky my a&&! :)
Ah, good times, good times.
We are pretty much done with tantrums (we have graduated to “freak-outs”), but once in a while Chuckles will still pull one out. And I am like
“WTF, Chuckles? We are SO done with that stage, girlfriend!!!!”
Hi there, first time I’ve ever been here but I just had to say: This is *so* what we’ve got at home with ours – two boys ages 3.5 and 1.5, to a T. :)
I try so hard not to laugh but sometimes one slips out… never when my oldest went into such a huff that he ran out of the room, or he would have, but the door was closed. That wasn’t funny at all. Really.
Subscribed! :)
You are so right! I can see my #2 watch with narrowed eyes as my #1 starts his tantrums. I can see him processing all the relevant details and discarding all the useless data!! I am in so much trouble!!!
I have videos of the tantrums just to amuse myself.
Seriously, mine is 5 and they still creep up on me. Damn those tantrums.
Oh…a great trip down memory lane of tantrums! Matthew’s in the full body laying on the floor banging the floor mode. Gotta love it! Gabe tosses the guilt trips at me which is way, way worse!
It’s so frustrating that we can’t laugh. I mean intellectually I understand why we can’t laugh but if we could, it would make the whole pareting thing so much more enjoyable.
Our 3+ tantrums resulted in a variety of um, unfortunate, social situations . . . like when the police came to the door . . . it’s just a tantrum officer, really . . . .
So I just sat down and wrote my thoughts for today and flipped over to your blog and they were about the same thing….weird.
I’m still new at this tantrum thing and it has had me next to tears over the past few days.
Tell me it gets easier…..
Good luck with yours.
Thanks for the refresher course! I was just going to post about something similar.
Jade (my four year old) throws mini tantrums. Foot stomps, loud exhale, ‘but, but, but, but mo-om’, you know the drill…..
Oh yes, the trantrum. Try having a 12 year old girl throw a tantrum. In Abercrombie. Then watch as I slink away from said 12 year old and pretend to be some other kid’s mom…
If I had read this before I had kids, I may not have ever had any.
It’s so true.
Right now my daughter is throwing a tantrum because I explained that dinner wasn’t ready now but would be ready in ten minutes. She apparently was greatly insulted over this and is currently screaming into the carpet.
Sean isn’t as loud; he actually has some quiet tantrums. Or he has crying fits, not the loud screaming Evan had. Though, I swear Evan was being sent to his room by now and understood the minute he stopped his tantrum he could get out. Sean just melts into tears.
I’m tired from just reading this. I have no funny for you. I have a drink for you if you come over.
This is filling me with total dread as I clutch my pregnant belly. The two year old is already taking over our lives and the invasion is almost complete. Hubby and I are left with scraps to eat and rags to wear and quivering at every move of her.
Well, I know that true… Z wasn’t 1 yet and had her first tantrum at around 10 months old and they just get worst with age!!! A had one or two tantrum in all of his 4 years of life but Z is on her way to the world record in that area.. 1 to 4 tantrum a day when she is good! Anything can be the trigger, food, toys, tv and more often then not her brother!
This is my birthcontrol!
my daughter is two years old, and she has tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants… I’m looking for ways on how to stop her from this bad habit. :(
How I laughed when I found this site. I was looking for one to deal with my daughter’s tantrums – she’s 20 years old!!! The word ‘no’ does it for her – the stamping and yelling up the stairs followed by the slamming bedroom door but the lovely 2 hours of peace as she sulks under her duvet are bliss. So hang in there folks, respite comes when they leave home for Uni …
How’d I miss this one? Classic.
Oh yes. I can especially relate to the difference of force it takes to get my oldest to her room vs my youngest. Ahem. Many football holds used to transport youngest to his room and then i must stand outside the door and physically hold the door shut. Hang in there…
Oooh, the dreaded tantrum. I’ve blocked them from my memory, eve the ones that happened last week.
As always you captured the second child tantrum perfectly. In fact, I think you’ve met my 2yr old son, except you left out the part where he holds his breathe turns blue and passes out. It can be very scary if your not ready for it!
We did very well at 2, I can count on one hand the number of all out full blown tantrums my daughter had. But 3 is proving a whole lot more challenging, her vocabulary and reasoning skills have expanded which I thought would make it all easier to deal with but instead quite the opposite has occurred. So much of it is testing the boundaries – “no” of course is a word to be challenged and yet I know she wants me to set rules and create order even if she does need to test them out every single time (like every day at bath time). So I can well imagine for #2 who has already seen what boundaries her older sister has tested, the game plan is so much tougher.
You nailed it! I am posting a story about a life like ours at http://www.afacebookstory.blogspot.com. I know you will relate to today’s section. I hope you will take a peek!
Oh boy…. I had my son when I was younger and he is now 7 and I am in a relationship where we are talking about marriage and children. I read this and remember… and shudder…. i am so far from baby land that I forget past the sweet smells and coos LOL
I soooooo forgot how it is. Thanks for the reminder. You should of stuck a section in there about the tantrums that teens throw. Now those are freakin crazy!
Wait, you mean by the time the second kid comes along you don’t already know all of the secrets to avoiding tantrums all together? Crap, I’m screwed.
I’m starting to wonder if tantrums are genetic. With my child I was one of the lucky few who never had to deal with them. My nephew though, who has never seen another child throw a tantrum, does and they are horrible especially since he’s only 14 months old. He screams at the top of his lungs, throws his head back and starts swingin, no matter where he is. His father, whose not involved in his life anymore, used to throw tantrums even at 25.
My husband apparently threw one hell of a tantrum when he was three that his mother, at her wits’ end, recorded on a cassette tape. She played it back for him mid-tantrum and calmly told him she’d be playing it for his dad as well when he got home. That stopped the tantrum cold. No promises that it works on everybody (obviously), but while we’re being creative here …
Tantrums are pretty mild in my house…actually I honestly might throw the worst ones this family has ever seen :p
Apparently I take too many pictures of my children throwing tantrums. My youngest usually starts his tantrums with “I’m getting angry and you’re NOT taking my picture!” It takes all I have not to burst into hysterical laughter. Ah yes, the second child’s tantrums. Nothing in the world quite like it;)
My middle guy is a head-banger. My daughter, she prefers the dramatic full-body floor collapse. What’s really great is when they happen at the same time and I’m feeding the baby. The dog’s “get me out of here” howl is usually my clue that I’ve let things go a wee bit too far.
seriously… I know I have said this before, but do you live at my house??
This pegged my second to a T!!
I have something for you over at my blog!
http://whatsaroundthenextbend.blogspot.com/2010/08/shining-down-some-love.html
Ooh, mine was the opposite. That must be Tantrums 301: Assume Nothing.