“Oh my dear, will you marry me?” She put her arms around the neck of her beloved, closed her eyes and leaned in for a kiss. Her “beloved” pushed away.
“What did I tell you about this?” I asked.
“What?” she said. “I’m pretending to be The Prince.”
“Well,” I said. “I haven’t been a maiden for a really long time…”
“Mo-om! I’m just pretending.”
For the record, I know the difference between pretend making-out and real making-out. And she’s been going after me, Disney-style, for the last month. Maybe it’s her G-rated movie collection. Maybe it’s because I was so surprised the first time she did it that I gave her more of a reaction than she was expecting. Maybe it’s because I laughed at Country-Fried Mama when she Tweeted about her daughter doing the same thing.
I’ve tried to work with ONE on this. I’ve asked nicely. I’ve repeated sternly. I’ve exhausted everything I could think of to curb the behavior without squelching the spirit, lest she accidentally get to first with one of her little friends.
There have been discussions, time-outs, tantrums and flashbacks to when she was 1 and trying to learn how to pucker her lips for a kiss. She eventually got it (after slipping my husband the tongue and freaking him out) but has since given up the appropriate parental kissing style.
But at least back then it wasn’t intentional and it didn’t happen to me.
Until the other day when she yanked at the the bottom of my bikini to get my attention. I grabbed her hand before she could expose me. She saw my reaction and tried again. I caught her hand and brought her over to the side of the pool to impress upon her the importance of bathing suit decorum.
She wrapped her arms around my neck to give me an “apologetic hug” and as soon as my guard was down she changed tactics and leaned in for the freeze-frame kiss.
This game sucks. She just shrugs off my rebuffs with the air of Gaston. I’m constantly on guard, waiting for the next time I’ll have to swat her away. I haven’t been pursued like this since college. And while she does have some of the same physical characteristics of the man who won me back then, she just doesn’t have any of the same…appeal. This of course matters not to her.
And the worst thing is that I just know it’ll be one of those, “Hey, remember the way mom used to freak out when…” stories that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
My mom warned me that my kids would know how to push my buttons. That they would even go as far as to find “buttons” I didn’t know I had, just to push them repeatedly.
She never specified that one would be the “Mom with Benefits” button, though.
Woulda been helpful, Mom. Woulda been helpful…
©2009 CEK. All Rights Reserved.
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{ 45 comments }
Here’s the solution: Your One, my #2 on a date (chaperoned of course). Then they can work their soul kissing magic on each other. I swear, #2 is so bad that he actually asks me to hold my head still so he can give me a “long kiss”. Um, no, Sir, I will not Mr. Nasty! And, when he catches me off guard, the little perv has the nerve to move his head back and forth. WTH?! And, it’s starting to get beyond kissing. When I picked him up from Mimi’s house this weekend, he didn’t greet me, he greeted the girls, “Hello, boobs, I missed ya.” I threw up a little in my mouth before I had the 100 reasons why this is not even remotely appropriate and bordering on sick talk. So, where do you want to meet?
OMG! Lael has been trying to make out with me too! She holds my face and gives these long kisses whild turning her head side to side. It’s really scaring me. My hubby doesn’t even kiss me like that! LOL!!
Omg! Its so nice to know my child isn’t defective. I was really beginning to wonder!!!!! Whew!!! Thanks!!!
My boys try and do this to me!! That’s somehow worse, maybe??? My son pulled my tankini bottom down at the pool the other day too and he loves to grab my boobs. I’m digging the Mom with Benefits title that you came up with…hilarious. Not so hilarious when this happens in public!!
This cracked me up. I wonder if this is a newer phenomenon… Neither of my daughters (now 13 and 16) did this, and I’ve never heard of it before. Or maybe I’ve just been living under a rock for almost 17 years :)
Somebody was pursuing you in college? I’ll kill them…
“Mom with Benefits” – I love that!
There has to be a common denominator here since my little darling has been pulling this stunt as well.
Our latest PDA – church….good times.
Rethinking the whole “mom lives next door to me” thing, aren’t you! Nothing like a booty-call to Mom’s house.
Oh, kids… and their budding sensuality! She’s really been working it lately! These stages come in fits and starts, though. My guess is she’ll meet her quota soon and the next time you see her making out, it will be with some devil of a boy and you’ll long for those inappropriate mama kisses, instead of that punk-a$$ kid ruining your sweet little girl.
That’s when Democrat Daddies reason that *maybe* the NRA isn’t such a bad club to join… (then and apparently when they find out someone was pursuing their Lady Love in college…)
I love that you compare her to Gaston!!
I’m sure it’s annoying as Hell, but I think it’s hysterical!
Addie is doing the same thing, on a lesser level. It usually is accompained by an enormous hug…On the flip side my 18 month old nephew tries to slip everyone the tongue~the concept of puckering is not in his skillset yet:)
I never thought I’d hear myself say this,
but: TV and Movies are to blame for this.
princesses and princes making out 24/7,
what did you think was going to happen?
Disney is evil, my husband always says.
I laughed so hard at this post, and parenting by dummies’ comment that Dimples asked, ‘Mama what’s so funny with you?’
Such an eye opener for when we have kids. Oy!
Good lord. Really? This is something I hadn’t anticipated. Let me rethink my job choice. Oh, crap. I can’t.
I’ve got the same problem with my 2yo boy – he loves to hold my face and give me long kisses. And yes, he’s tried slipping me the tongue. I have no.clue. where he learned that one from because we’re a household of single, sexless people at the moment LOL
We do such a disservice to the young women of the next generation feeding them this candlelight and romance crap.
Then they get out in the world and have to read “Smart women, foolish choices” to set themselves straight.
I’m sure there really are fairy tale endings in the world. Sure there are.
Right.
LMAO!!!!
Perhaps you do need to get a bigger wedding ring and remind her that you are married and she needs to back off.
You need to get angry. I know this is not popular these days but I think it is warranted here. Let her know you are angry because she is trying to embarrass you on purpose and that she knows this is inappropriate touching and must stop doing it. You do not treat her this way and she must respect you and her Dad. She thinks it is funny and needs to know you are serious when you say it is not funny.
Of course if you are joking ck and just writing a funny post, then disregard the other comment. The Mom in me came out and started a rant but she is back in the box now.
Bwahahaha! I feel totally secure in laughing hysterically at you on this one knowing that I am safely beyond this stage and thus fate can not come back and bite me in the butt for laughing at someone else’s misfortune. Right?
I’ve noticed lately that Poonch has been doing an open-mouth sort of kiss. It sort of freaks me out, but she’s so sparing with her PDA that I haven’t said anything. Now I will, because I don’t want it to turn into this!
And I am so glad I am not the only one who knows who Gaston is.
Wow, it’s totally time for the abstinence talk. You can save yourself the rainbow party discussion when she’s 12 by starting now: “Young lady, your tongue cannot leave your mouth until you’re married. Never, never, never put your tongue on anybody for any reason.”
That’ll take care of it…[eyes rolling]
btw,
EW!
My son used to do the same thing! To me, to my ex husband, to the grandparents… He’d say, “I wanna suck your breaf away” I think he was meaning take your breath away. But he’d wrap around my neck and push in his kiss until our teeth touched. It freaked me out as well. The sinister laugh afterwards didn’t help either.
I’ve since taught him the “bounce off” kiss. We quickly go in for a kiss, lips barely touch and say “Mwah” as our heads fly backwards.
We get looks… but nothing like when it looked like I was making out with my 4 year old.
It helps me to know I am not the only one. Miss D. really wants to “wake me with true love’s first kiss.” Silly child. Doesn’t she realize I would like nothing more than to sleep for 100 years, or at least seven hours in a row?
LOL. Geez. It sounds like Mommy could use a vacation… Away from “Princess Charming” ;) Seriously though, if God’s gift to us is children, is his gift to them the ability to annoy the living hell out of us?? Somedays, I truly wonder. lol
Well, that is different. With a brief glance, I would go with insider53 and naptimewriting. She’s totally trying to get to you. That’s annoying.
As usual, I’m laughing to hard to type.
I have NO CLUE how you should correct this one. None.
But please? Keep us updated on her “pursuit” of you.
Can I just say I remember doing this as a child (but only once for certain). My reasoning was because mommy didn’t kiss me the way she kissed her bf’s which meant she didn’t love me as much. I’m 25. I would never EVER bring it up to her or anyone I know. I’m embarrassed that I ever did that.
Urgh. That is bleuchy.
Thankfully, I am not being French-kissed by my almost-four-year-old, BUT he loves to pretend to be a kitty cat, and he climbs on top of me and licks me. Thank God only on my face. But all my husband hears from the bedroom is: “STOP LICKING MOMMY!!”
Bleuchy.
Too funny. Hannah often wants to “pretend we’re married” and cocks her head to one side asking me to go the other way so that our lips can meet perfectly. I’ve told her it’s not appropriate but get it, she does not. It’s a little too early for the practice kissing thing, isn’t it?
I don’t have any words of advice but I can see my son going down the same path. He’s two and has just mastered the sloppy open mouthed kiss. On my mouth. Try to dodge those kisses has become the game of the century.
My 4 year old licked my face at the pool yesterday. Serpent-style. Blech. I feel you on this one. I wonder why it doesn’t make her feel uncomfortable. Teaching her boundaries does fall to us momma’s and daddy’s. She is a smart girl, pushing your buttons. :) Good luck!
My first (a girl) did this briefly; my second (a boy) is MUCH more persistent about it. And somehow the fact that he’s a boy doing it freaks me out even more. For weeks now, he’s been saying we’re going to get married and grabbing my head and trying to make out. And he’s STRONG. He doesn’t really get the mechanics of the kiss he’s trying to give, but there is a serious macking motion with his mouth that approximates things pretty well. And of course I have had way too big a reaction to it and of course that makes him do it more. Bizarre. Loved reading this post and knowing that his action and my reaction are at least “normal.”
Too entertained by this visual to even think of giving advice. Kids quickly learn what buttons to push, don’t they?!
My girls try to do the same sort of long kiss with me. I firmly tell them to save those sorts of kisses for their husbands… but they keep trying. I’m really starting to detest Disney for a number of reasons, one being the way they lead little girls to want to be princesses who passionately kiss a prince.
“I’m really starting to detest Disney for a number of reasons, one being the way they lead little girls to want to be princesses who passionately kiss a prince.” Amen to that!
My 21-month-old hasn’t encountered Disney yet but I dread the day she does. And I will also be wearing a chastity face mask. You know, just in case…
Oh, I remember. I have 2 teenage sons, but I remember my firstborn trying after seeing Pocahontas….it broke my heart to say no.
He doesn’t remember, but I do.
Feel you here CK. My daughter has tried to kiss me on the lips, but I’ve told her that those kisses are reserved for mommy and daddy. She also has this idea that daughters marry their Daddy’s. Where she comes up with these things, I will never know.
My 5yo daughter has started trying to slip me the tongue lately. She still puckers (at least it’s not an open mouth kiss… yet), but when you lean in for a peck, she sticks her tongue out. I think it IS the reaction that they enjoy. Hopefully it’s just a phase. Good luck!
I think there might be something wrong with my daughter. This sounds like JUST the type of thing she would do and yet she doesn’t WTF.
I’m just jealous that you can still wear a bikini. (Sigh. Those days are long gone for this blogging maiden.)
Aw, too funny! We have no making out. What we have is boob obsession. She calls my nipples her “flowers” and constantly wants to see and touch them. So embarrassing! I’d long ago stopped getting dressed in front of my son, but I had no clue I’d have to stop it with my daughter, too!
Seeing her uncle’s wedding pushed mine over the edge. She grabbed her Dad, held him as still as she could and tried to plant a big wet sloppy kiss on him. No. It was like watching one of those awkward moments in junior high where you’re going in for a kiss and he turns his head. Stupid dunce. Not that that ever happened to me…
This was AFTER one of her little preschool friends kissed her. Twice. Try not making a big deal about that. Not easy.
Enjoy the romance, isn’t it great to be wanted? Seriously, if you figure out a solution, tell me.
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