My mom went to great lengths to document our vacations throughout childhood. And according to her photographic ledgers, we did all kinds of fun things and spent a great deal of time exploring and playing and swimming and imagining.
These activities had nothing to do with what I chose to document in my first diary. In fact, if it wasn’t for “1987″ being printed on both my journal and the back of my mom’s photographs, you’d never even know it was the same year.
Her albums tell the tale of a cabin by a lake. A happy family being served food she didn’t have to cook. Swimming, fishing, day trips, hiking, family time basking in the warm July sun…
My diary?
“This morning when we went to breakfast we got coffee cake and boxed cereal and oatmeal. At lunch you would think it was dinner because we had roast beef, mixed vegetable and mash potatoes. See what I mean? Of course like last year it is raining on our cookout and tonight we are having a make your own ice cream dish. And we saw 2 cats. One was white with brown spots. The other was black with brown spots. There’s no more news for now. Well when we had our ice cream it was great. Ya know my friend and I went in the bathroom a senior was in the bathroom and she did diearea. You could not smell any thing but it was LOUD. Prrr Prat and then she farted even out of the bathroom you could hear it.”
According to the Me When I Was Relevant, I’ve been going about this summer all wrong. All this time I’ve been planning and packing and unpacking. But if my girls aren’t going to remember the stuff I worked hard at organizing, why not just have fun their way?
So from here on out they’re on their own. I’m going on a mental and physical vacation. They can make up games, play with their damn toys and wander around bored at the park while I sit on a nearby bench and read a book with more than one sentence per page.
And then on August 31st, I’ll take them to an Early Bird Special somewhere and load them up on salty foods and sugary drinks. And after we indulge in decadent ice cream sundaes, I’ll take them on a tour of the old ladies room.
Because ice cream and old ladies NEVER disappoint.
©2010 CEK. All Rights Reserved.
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{ 37 comments }
ahhh, but you remember it NOW even if you didn’t appreciate it THEN.
You probably didn’t smell anything because she mercy-flushed. Right? They had that back then, right?
Also, I love that you labeled your drawing…just in case the “you” years from now wouldn’t know it was indeed a cat.
I’ve planned things before only to be told by my 6YO that she would rather hang out with her friends in the neighborhood. Nice.
Being old, I am replying to the mercy-flush question… never knew about it. But MATCHES work wonders! Won’t leave home without em! The sulfur burns the smell up. yup!
The mercy flush is a MUST!!! Um, at least in our house. TMI??
And CK, gosh, this post is so true. Sometimes I wonder why we bother?
I use my blog to document all the things I plan for Lael. I will totally rub it in her face when she gets older.
That diary entry (with diagram) is hilarious.
I went on strike over the weekend. We asked Daphne what her favorite thing she did this summer was, and she said, “Well….nothing, really. We didn’t really do anything this summer.”
She managed to forget DisneyWorld, homemade ice cream every week, several trips to WaterWorld, going fishing with her father, learning to ride a bicycle, popsicles for breakfast, and being taken to the pool/park/picnic once a week.
I sort of thought that she’s pretty f*&king ungrateful, so I’m not putting myself to any trouble for the next week. So There. (yes, Mommy pouts like a kindergartner.)
That sounds about right… we schedule and plan fun, entertaining things and they remember the doorknob or elevator button. I’m with you, let’s not even try anymore. Fart.
Wow that sucks. They really don’t remember do they. Remind me when I plan the first trip to Disney. i may not try so hard. Rotten buggers.
Oh my goodness. I’m having flashbacks of me trying this on my parents when I was about five. Grooooooooss. These days, my kids are all boobs all the time, which is terrible since I just had them hacked off and they’re incredibly sore.
Good luck fending off the makeout sessions.
Wait, I left a comment on the wrong post. Elliot is attacking me as I type, sorry.
Your writing has immensely improved! However, your topic of discussion hasn’t changed much ;)
What can I say? I embraced my destiny early. Maybe if I keep practicing and never give up, someday I’ll get paid to talk sh*t. One can dream…
That’s just gross! And why is it that potty-stuff remains hilarious even after you pass the second grade?!
Try your theory out for us and tell us if it works :)
CK- enjoy your books. Instead of a crazy-harried mom, jealous of the teenager’s lap at camp, I hope ONE would write a journal entry like this (if she could write well):
This summer mommy let us play at the park, as long as we didn’t eat the sand and she was so happy just sitting on the boring bench, and one time at the pool I tried to kiss her and she freaked out, and she was so happy, and she even read me the scene from a vampire book, before I knew vampires were scary, about the boy kissing the girl, and how they were MUCH older, and vampires kiss girls and not their moms, even if moms DO have to find ticks on the dads in the shower (but only in the mornings so they still have sleepy eyes and don’t have to see the prince’s penis), and I want to be a vampire to kiss girls (like my mom), and she was SO HAPPY on that boring bench. All summer long.
(insert drawing here of a vampire ONE, much older, kissing CK- teeth labeled)
I can’t believe it took you this long to check out. I’ve been there since June 15.
I have a couple I’m sending over, since you’re still sane and all.
So true! I’ve asked my three amigos several times about their favorite memories of this summer (which have included a cross country trip, pool time, crafts, homemade snow cones etc. etc.). Their response? We haven’t really done anything much. Then I name some of these fun items and it’s oh, yeah I forgot about that! So, you’re not alone and you definitely have the right idea now! I think I’m going to join you.
I love that you have all your old diaries. Hilarious. I wish I still had stuff like that.
in the UFC, they call this tapping out.
Brilliant!
Absolutely Brilliant!
I’m going to try this. Of course, here in AZ, summer is over in a week and a half.
So now you know the main reason why I took so many pictures (and labeled them) when you kids were little. If I had to do it over, I would still do a lot of things the same, particularly spending time at Star Lake. It met my need of a week without cooking and household chores and it kept you kids busy. That’s how I spell v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n.
I love your creative youthful spelling: diearea.
Are you making your girls keep diaries or scrapbooks or the like? Then you can hand them over when they have kids and revenge will be yours!
You just gave me my first laugh in a long day. Thanks ck.
Oh, I am so behind on your blog! I check it on the Mom Blog Network, which has apparently crapped out like a senior as of late. I thought when I read your diary entry that you were referring to a high school senior. It was funny enough when I misread it, but when I realized from reading your post that you were referring to an old lady, I literally cackled. It is so strange and hilarious that you referred to an old lady as a senior! Potty humor is rampant in my family. Between you’re use of the term “senior” and your fart fascination, I can only presume we would have been fast friends.
P.S. Tapping out? I scroll your comments section to find what “Your Husband” has to say because it’s like a little encore.
I really enjoy your little snippets of the every day life of a mom. And I love the way you write. Ice cream and old ladies is one of my favorites – and yes, I did remember to vote. I’m going to enjoy following your blog!
Too funny! I loved this post. It’s awesome that you have your old diaries… I don’t have those, but I do have photo albums from jr. high that I love looking at.
You’re right, sometimes we plan these sometimes lavish, fun, bigger-than-life trips/adventures, and all the kids remember was the ice cream and farts. Ha ha… Oh well, it’s still family time. And I love the comments from Your Husband and Your Mom!
That is just AWESOME!
Hey can I come along, I sooooooooooooooooooo need a freakin mental break.
and I l o v e ice cream (not so much old ladies) hee hee
they smell kinda funny and I have a sensitive nose. wink wink
I also forgot to mention that I have all my old diarys, but mine should prob be burned. Some really scare shit in mine. lol
CK, You kept your old diaries! How wonderful. I am so much of an unclutter freak that I threw away dozen of old notes and diaries a few years back.
The ice cream part – totally there.
I couldn’t agree more! My happiest memories were the simplest everyday rants of my parents.
I wrote a blog about a summer “boot” camp for kids if you need some pointers.
I’ve been facing a crises of parenting confidence of late…mostly because my boys squeal in delight when they see their father and not so much me. So I figured I was doing it all wrong. But then yesterday day as I parented solo and they walked all over me, I realized wth, let him have the glory. Your post reinforces the validity of my decision :-)
Star lake?!
Yes! Just a few years before we’d bring you to that magical place…
I am impressed that you kept your diaries. I am not sure I ever had one! Something about this story reminds me of how kids always seem to enjoy the box better than the toy in it….
LOL Obviously Old Ladies and Farts go hand in hand. ;) We’ve been pretty kid directed this summer. They’ve spent lots and lots of time fishing.
I agree, CK. Like when you take your kids to Disney World and their favorite part was….the hotel swimming pool. I love it that you still have your diaries…I wish I still had mine even though I’m sure I’d be mortified by what I wrote. You, on the other hand, have been a writer all along.
We just got back from a completely horrible beach weekend and I couldn’t agree more. Today’s big outing was the Chick Fil A playground and I was treated like a god for letting them play. Cheaper, local and less screaming for sure.
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