I was cleaning the kitchen when ONE interrupted to negotiate an early snack. She was making head-way on her plight for sugar when TWO interrupted to rue, “MY A-GINA HURTS!”
We turned and found a distraught TWO grabbing her a-gina, tears rolling down her face. She’d mentioned a little a-ginal discomfort the day before so I thought perhaps she was cultivating a UTI.
ME: How’d you hurt your vagina, Ju-Ju Bean?
TWO: Well, I hurt-a-my-a-gina when…(insert a string of words that sounded Korean.)
ME (to ONE): Did you catch that?
ONE (taking charge): Did you run your vagina into the door, TWO?
TWO: No.
ONE: Did you hit it with a Barbie?
TWO: No!
ONE: Did you punch it like this?
ME: Wait! There will be no punching of the vaginas in this…
ONE punched her (own) vagina. They both cried.
I carried the injured parties upstairs for an impromptu a-gina soaking in the bathtub. I pumped TWO up for the amount of time she was about to spend on the training potty. We’re not “potty-training” her at this point, but she pees on the potty when she’s jonsing for some sugary reward treats. Anyway, if she had a UTI, I wanted to catch some of the urine to bring in for testing.
TWO was less than thrilled. She doesn’t care for the “baby potty.” ONE, understanding her plight, brought in some books to help pass the time. They sat across from each other and shared stories while ONE casually inspected her sister.
ONE: Mama! I know what the problem is!
ME: Oh yeah?
ONE: YES. TWO has a hole in her vagina.
TWO: OH NO! I have a hole in my a-gina?
ONE: I’m afraid so.
(More crying.)
ME: Relax, guys. So do you, ONE. All girls do.
ONE: WHAT?
This led to more bodily interrogations, though I declined the invitation to join. During the pre-bath brouhaha, TWO peed on the potty and didn’t have any reaction other than joy, so I figured it probably wasn’t a UTI. But I decided to keep the pee for a day or so, just in case.
They climbed into the tub and played for a few minutes.
TWO (sighing): Ohhhhhh…
ME: How’s the ol’ vagina feeling?
TWO: He’s sad.
I could feel the laughter creeping up my ribs. I closed my eyes and pretended I was washing dishes so it wouldn’t escape.
ME (in a whisper): Why’s HE sad?
TWO: Because he’s no good.
ONE: Don’t worry, I’ll figure out what’s wrong with him. Mama? Can you help me put these on?
She handed me a pair of goggles.
ME: Where did these come from?
ONE: Well, I wanted to wear them under the water so I could figure out what’s wrong with TWO’s vagina.
TWO: Me too! I wanna see too!
They did their best to close the case, but in the end were thwarted by the wiles of sneaky nether regions that didn’t hurt for the rest of the weekend. Guess there’s some merit to what they say down at the station. You just can’t trust a male a-gina.
(Which reminds me, I should probably take that pee out of the fridge before I forget it’s there and it spills on some ridiculously overpriced organic produce…)
©2010 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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I am cracking up over here, sad vaginas are the worst thing.
“Did you run your vagina into the door, TWO?”
Dang, I hate when that happens.
xo c
Thank you, this was just the laugh I needed on Monday morning.
This is one of those things that isn’t in the parenting books. Chapter 4, Page 3 should be “You will keep pee.”
Futureblackmail´s last [type] ..IM ON A SCAVENGER HUNT – FOR MY MIND
Thank you for the Monday morning laugh!
We had some a-gina short term a-gina problems here too. In an effort to encourage some self-bum wiping, I purchased the “froggie wipes” aka Kandoos. Because of her excitement to use the cool, new “froggie wipes,” independence emerged! I was “checking” rather than being beckoned to the bathroom for my services. Success!
Unfortunately, after three or four a-gina irritations, genius mommy here figured out the “froggie wipes” were the problem. Ugh. Independent bum wiping attempts are long gone. Back to “MOMMA! MAAMAA! MUM! I DID POOPS!” Of course in voice loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear.
Thanks for the laugh this morning!!!
LMAO-you had me rolling on the floor with this one.
Susie @newdaynewlesson´s last [type] ..Some Things Are A Constant
LOL! Oh, this was too funny! I’m sorry HE was sad! I hope he feels better soon. :-)
ShannonL´s last [type] ..Six Word Friday- Im not waiting
This is priceless. Perhaps they should star in a new Broadway show, The Vagina Dialogues?
Justine´s last [type] ..What I have learned so far
Don’t even know what to say except this…
In our house it goes like this at bath time:
Peanut: girls have vaginas, boys have penises. U have a penis Little Man. Oh wait look I have a small penis too. Mommy ur wrong see my penis.
Me: no honey that is still ur vagina, girls have vaginas and boys have penises.
Little Man then proceeds to stick his finger in his belly button and yells: My Po-china
Man my kiddos are all mixed up
I love ONE’s horror that TWO’s vagina had a hole! The shock! And you learn something new every day–I didn’t know any vaginas were *he’s*!
Oh my god! they have holes in them? *snigger* great post. Susie at newdaynewlesson pointed me this way and I’m very glad she did.
Heather – Notes From Lapland´s last [type] ..What Lengths Will You Go To For A Cup Of Tea
over heard at work this morning…”hahasnnnnerrkkkeeehaaaahaaa!” male co-worker “watsso funny?” me: “geesh, you boys think you got it bad. betcha never ran it into a door before.”
that was too funny! thanks!
Hilarious! Glad “he’s” ok.
~Laura´s last [type] ..100 Things About Me
This is hysterical. I am racking my brains trying to recall if anything even remotely close to this happened in my family over the past 15 years. Nope, not even close. Guess boys really are different than girls.
Cathy´s last [type] ..The Stress Of It All
Besides this entire episode being so freaking hilarious, it is very sweet that ONE was so concerned about TWO’s a-gina.
Mrs.Mayhem´s last [type] ..Wherein I Let My Freak Flag Fly
Peeing myself laughing – ONE punching herself pretty much put me over the edge.
jessica´s last [type] ..Prime Example
We have lots of a-gina talk around here, though we call ours Chinas. Today while I was cleaning apples we picked this weekend, my hellion stripped down and tried to squat and see where her pee came from. Because she’s tired of her China always having pee in it!
She would be in hog heaven with your girls and the goggles.
Kelly´s last [type] ..The wait
I hardly know what to say, I’m shaking because I’m laughing so hard. In our house it’s Peter’s. My oldest tells me when his is “strong.” It gets me every time.
Christine LaRocque´s last [type] ..Coming soon
I’m trying so very hard not to laugh the pee right out of my a-gina. And as I look at that cute-as-can-be picture of ONE and TWO in surely one of their first females-bonding-in-the-bathroom experiences, I’m wondering … Why do kids always take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom??
Stacia´s last [type] ..Haiku Friday
After the day I had – I needed this! And I will remember to keep my agina well away from any doors!
Gigi´s last [type] ..Apparently- Im turning into my mother
This was awsome! Sometimes kids are SO adorable…other people’s kids that is. Mine were never this cute.
Jersey Girl Gets Real´s last [type] ..Cast of Characters- Daddy’s Little Girl
OOOOOO! LOL Just hysterical! OH NO! There is a hole in yours….afraid so. hahahaha! and the banging it into the door, just was too much. haha! We do a lot of bum inspections around here. Someday I will not have to wipe or powder another butt. Someday.
Sara´s last [type] ..Little Blue Riding Hood Cape
Oh, CK. I miss you. New job, zero time for stalking you. Thought I’d stop by and the a-gina blog was a-waiting for me. A-perfect. Lil’ Daddy is playing with peepee training (yeah, cuz when I said to make potty on the potty, he threw his baby pot in the big pot) and likes a VERY up-front view of what I’m doing. He was SHOCKED. “Mama, where’da penis GO?!” I told him that mine crawled up inside of me. Oh dear. AND, (it’s been a WHILE, hasn’t it) I’m pregnant, so the other kicker is when I kissed his tummy and he screamed, “NO kissing MINE’S UTERUS!” I got some ‘splaining to do, Lucy.
This little glimpse into One and Two’s interaction/horror/discovery/etc. is just too precious! Makes me wish I had two little girls. Don’t even get me started on my two little boys…..wait. That’s leaving too much to your imagination. Suffice it to say, I’m finding the fascination with the male nether regions to be a bit overboard. But then, they *are* males, after all.
Jane´s last [type] ..The 10 “How To’s” I Hope I Never Need
Menstration, menopause, and now, to discover that my a-gina is a “he”…now I know I have problems….Thanks for the laugh…Made me think back to when my sister and I were little. We would always keep each other company in the bathroom. Five kids between us later, we still do…
Maria´s last [type] ..Holding on- letting go
“Law & Order: Vagina Detectives” could be the next great franchise for Dick Wolf!
Country-Fried Mama´s last [type] ..Deep thoughts- toddler style
You just can’t make up stuff like that! And how creative to pull out the goggles!!! Thanks for the giggle today:)
Heather´s last [type] ..Proud Mommy Moment
Hilarious!
Steel Magnolia´s last [type] ..Weve Come a Long Way- Baby- Just to Turn Back Around
Oh CK!! Seriously I am laughing SO hard right now! Conversations like this don’t happen like this at my house… More like, “Mom, how do you pee… I mean, since you don’t have a penis” Yeah, cause penises are EVERYTHING! LOL
The fact that TWO called it a HE… hehehehe
Dawn @ What’s Around the Next Bend?´s last [type] ..Amongst the faithful
Hilarious.
We compare male type parts in this house. It occasionally gets pretty macho. So mom generally gets toxic testosterone doses fast and cuts out early.
The Mother´s last [type] ..Cartesian Dualism Does NOT Get You out of Chores
Or mistakenly add it to your coffee.
Lanita´s last [type] ..Cows & Chows
Too too funny. Thanks for the laugh this evening!
Rudri Patel´s last [type] ..Grateful
Poor TWO. I don’t blame her for being upset. I hate when my a-gina is sad, too.
Gibby´s last [type] ..Sing Louder- Taylor
Oh my gooseness. Hahha, punching of vaginas is hilarious.
Elliot is fascinated by the fact that she has one and Graham has a penis, pronounced “peanut”. And pretty much every night during bath time, we have to go down the lineup of every person we know and discuss whether they have a peanut or agina. Tell me this phase ends soon.
Casey´s last [type] ..Random Thursday Thoughts – The Madness That Is BlogHer
Can’t stop laughing. Can’t. Run it into the door? He’s sad. AND he’s bad. And goggles. I think I just hurt my a-gina, too.
Naptimewriting´s last [type] ..In which I whimper “Uncle”
Oh. My. God! That is the best thing I’ve read in a while! New to your blog but I’m so adding it to my blogroll!
Jessi´s last [type] ..Bug and the Boob Tube
bahahahahahahahahahahaha. With two girls, I’m anticipating this type of episode as well. bahahahahahaha.
onthenightyouwereborn´s last [type] ..It’s Over
We totally need to write a book about our expereinces with our children’s potty training and nakedness.
faemom´s last [type] ..recap 9-3
Hehe…loved this! And, it all seemed quite logical to me, right down to the goggles. Fantastic!
Cindy, your blog is looking great!!! Love the new look! I loved reading about your story of a-gina! Having two girls, I feel like it’s coming my way, too.
Kaho´s last [type] ..Picking Flowers
OMG – I only wish you could have been in the room while I read this. Whew! Thank you for that string of laughter – that felt good. :O)
Julia Hull´s last [type] ..Picture of the Days
Freakin’ hilarious. Between running a-ginas into doors and ONE punching herself and HE is sad…you just can’t make this stuff up! :)
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