10 – Elementary-Strength Germs. Not their presence. Their tartar-like staying power. And their ability to leapfrog over my kid and land on me. Dear Principal: Please get those fluorescent-clad safety patrolers out of the halls and into the bathrooms where they can monitor important things, like the obvious hand-washing rebellion going on.
9 – The Unauthorized Addition of “ie” at the End of My Daughter’s Name. Sure, I knew it would happen eventually. Just like I knew she’d try to play off words like, “different, strange and weird” as if they were allowed in our home. Still, hearing kids call her ONE-IE doesn’t make me happy. THAT’S NOT HER NAME!
8 – One Hour of Unexpected Exercise from the walks to and from school which somehow take less time than driving AND are exhausting because even with a crossing guard, they require a recon mission. And the people most likely almost run over pedestrians in the crosswalks? OTHER PARENTS. How do I know? Some have actually paused to wave at me as they blow past the stop sign.
7 – Our Fundamental Differences of Opinion now swing in my 5YO’s favor…
HER:
ME: Soccer practice is cancelled? For real? YES!
6 – Extra-Curricular Activities. Why should K’s have the option of 10+ different things to do after school? They wind up with a friend in each activity, and develop a desperate “need” to engage in them all. What they NEED is to come home after 7 hours of school and just play and decompress and be 5. Not cheerlead. (Not that there’s anything wrong with cheerleading…)
5 – Extra-Curricular Forgetting Opportunities. Including, but not limited to: lunch, lunch money, extra water bottle, library books, snack for VIP day, 3-page permission slips, forms for picture day, sneakers for PE (which is no longer called “gym” and heaven forbid I call it that), soccer clothes, snack for after school…
4 – Extra-Curricular Volunteering Opportunities. C’mon. We have 10+ different extra-curricular activities to pretend to enjoy, 3YOs to push uphill in a stroller twice a day even though they should be walking, attitudes to contend with if we bring the “wrong after-school snack” (bite me, kid, seriously), and we’re also supposed to be social and sell tissue paper and PTA and weed gardens and get mail in the office? WHEN? WHEN ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?
3 – More Time. I really believed that once “real” school started there’d be more of it. Kind of like I thought potty training would save money. Only I’m still buying diapers AND wiping nether regions PLUS washing clothes and sheets that were innocent bystanders of “accidents,” AND smelling pee wherever I go AND bleaching skid marks…
2 – New Limits. Sad things, sweet things, hilarious things happen now and I can’t write about them. Not just because she’s learning to read, but because these things could haunt her later if, by some strange chance, blogging is still around by then. So even when I have time to write, I often can’t.
1 – Return of the Nap. My nap. For which I sold the last five years worth of freedom and pleasantries, and still rejoice in the exchange. Because unlike every other exhausting, rainy day for the last three years, I smiled when I made my bed this morning. Because in just a few short hours, I’m ripping the blankets back off and jumping back in.
Because I can, that’s why.
©2010 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
WANT SOME DAILY AFFIRMATION THAT YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY BAD MOMMY OUT THERE? FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, OR COME VENT ON FACEBOOK. WE’LL BAD-MOMMY IT TOGETHER.
{ 31 comments }
all very good to know. i like to be warned about this stuff ahead of time. and i am dreading the “ie” being added to my daughter’s name!! we’ve already had to fight it off. do i have to accept it’s beyond out control when school starts? :(
Oh so true. “Real” school is a shock to the system, isn’t it?
Yeah – I hear ya. Welcome to my world – three kids in three different schools – each with three different set of rules, three different start times, three sets of back to school night, three sets of “parent homework”, three times the volunteering opportunities, three times the after-school activities.
But, glad to hear you are getting your nap back. Alas, I’ve never been one to be able to nap. It’s so disappointing!
And, lastly, the whole “watch what you write”, seems to have me in a weird place as well. I’m not known for being well self-censored.
If I were to write a similar list for my 3 1/2-year-old in preschool, it would have many of the same surprises. How scary! Was it this way for our parents—strike that—Moms?
I am looking forward to when they are both in school full-time. Still rebelling against the extra curricular activities though.
#5…every…single…day.
Lael totally fussed at me for asking her if she had “gym” that day. “Its not gym mom, it P.E.!” ~~whatever!
Oh no! We’re missing out on good stories because ONE can read??? Why did she have to learn to read????
YEEESSS! this is exactly it! where were you a year ago when I decided to put my son in “early preschool” instead of keeping him at daycare. I was trying to explain this to someone who was thinking of making the change early. All that I could muster is “well… there is just a lot more responsibility.” Seriously, he has been at this school for 2 years now and I finally figured out that the Clifford the Big Red dog sheets that they send home are “Homework” and they expect them back the next morning. HUH?! DH thinks I am being lazy when I just write a check instead of doing the fund raisers. NO, it is a sanity saver. I also copy the last 2 pages of the permission slip and just add them to the next one that comes along, no way am I filling that sucker out more than once a year.
I can agree with the fact that once they start school, you have even less time.
Except for when they hit H.S. then you go back to having more free time to yourself. Since they at that point could care less about you.
Did someone say nap?
That completely and totally trumps all of the other shit, you know.
:)
I agree with the decompression and wtf?! I have the same problem with people trying to give my kids nicknames. If I wanted to name my kid DOUG…I would have named him “DOUG”. I chose Douglas for a reason!!! Jeez-us!
Anyway, glad you had a nice nap ;)
Those naps. Priceless aren’t they?
Naps! Yes! All germs and Pull-Up bills/laundry and hour-long walks to school are worth it for the nap! I want mine…now!
skid marks for you too huh…our evil masterplan backfired and I’m back to scooping poo in a hazmat suit and kerplunking it into the toilet. My kid will be going straight from size 5 diapers to depends…he’s never going to use the toilet and I’ve resolved myself to the fact that I will just have to live in a cess pool of poo and urineuntil he moves out and has todo his own laundry
Just say no. Best advice I can give.
I miss those kindy days! :) We are up to 3rd and 8th grade now and still forgetting at least one important item each and every school day. I sometimes make 3-4 trips to school…which means I miss my nap. Ugh!
I love naps. But not germs. Or having to make lunch and actually remember to pack it. Good thing I have a few years to go.
Shoot, I wish I had a chance to nap…because I have to deal with the nuclear force elementary school germs on a daily basis, along with the preschool ones that are starting to get an attitude…And you are right. Bleaching skid marks sucks ass.
#4 – I’m the “bad” mom because I work. All day. Everyday. I don’t volunteer for the after school events because after school is when I actually get to see my children. Call me crazy but I’m one of those mom’s that actually enjoys spending time with my guys every now and again. (not everyday mind you – they are still children!). It’s insane how much the working moms get the finger pointed at them!
I was on safety patrol in 5th grade. I did it because if it was below freezing I got hot chocolate before going to class in the morning.
I even got to wear the reflector vest.
Jealous?
Seriously, if I have to sign one more form/write another check for one more activity/remember to do one more thing for the elementary school, I will explode.
Signed,
I Feel Ya
When did life get so complicated for kindergarteners? I had NO idea that it would be harder, not easier. I thought I would have time. Lots of time. I thought that by offering to help out once i was doing my civic duty. I thought… Wrong.
And the germs. Oh my!!! Seriously evil stuff going around.
Limiting what to say… It is so hard. Because the good stories at this age sound so funny and innocent to me, but I know better. One day… one day, she will read this. Or not. But if she did, I don’t want her to feel embarrassed.
“ie”. No. Just no. I didn’t name you name-ie. And yet, they still persist. And my girls name isn’t even better with an ie!
Mine goes all day. Every day. He loves it. I loathe making lunches that come home uneaten. Oh & the paper! I practically could start a forest.
One more thing: public school has gotten expensive. We are writing checks for everything from $175 kindergarten snack (required, no outside food allowed), $10 band uniform cleaning, $35 monthly instrument rental… the list goes on and on. Truly mind-boggling.
TEN? Ten different after-school extracurriculars? Dude, when I was 5, there wasn’t anything after school. You had to make sure you got your rear end on the bus or risk being stranded in the principal’s office while you waited for your mother to get you (because there was nowhere else to wait).
I am so not ready for parenthood. But I still want it. It’s crazy.
OMG, totally cracking up at this desperate cry, “WHEN? WHEN ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?” Only because I can so relate, sadly. Thanks again for bringing humor to the life of parenting!
No, don’t tell me these things, the only thing that’s keeping me going is the thought that school will start in a few years (at age 7 here in Finland) and I’ll finally get some peace!
It’s crazy what a parent has to remember when kids get into “real” school. Like remembering to sign your kid up for some extra-curricular activity. Yup, I forgot.
Wait for another year or so, when ONE is a veteran at the school, and they don’t just want you to volunteer for whatever, but they want you to run or chair it. That doesn’t take up much time. No. Not at all.
Argie, the -ie is annoying. Elliot’s teacher has started calling her Ellie and it drives me fucking batty. My mom does it too, I think just to fuck with me.
Naptime, though, is worth the wait for kindergarten.