Dear Lady in the Friday’s Vestibule,
Every once and awhile, I see someone out of the corner of my eye whom I feel compelled to wait for by the door. Not because I rate them as a definite thank you for my doorman services, but because they look like one of those women in the underground society of Mothers Who Get It. Someone who could be my mom. A gentle soul who senses the struggle and reaches out with a hand, or a smile, or a nod. Words aren’t necessary. It’s the eye contact that speaks, “It’s okay. I know what you’re doing is hard. I’ve been there. You’re doing fine. Just keep on.”
But instead you took your time walking to the door, eyed my punchy children jumping all over the place, and said to your friend, “Don’t she got coats for those babies? Where they coats?”
Where? WHERE? WHERE THEY COATS? Do you really want to know? Let me tell you all about they coats.
Two days ago there was a blizzard. It hit a few sections of Jersey, my parents’ house being one of them. This is what it looked like the day before we were supposed to head home:
That morning I spent several hours packing up all of our things while my husband and father dug out our car. And then they dug out the street so we could pack the car. We put the girls’ coats in the trunk since we’d be driving 3.5 hours to get home – without stopping – and the car was already warm. We were on the road for all of 5 minutes when we found out about the first road closing. And then the highway. And then the parkway. It took us three hours to drive what would normally take 15 minutes.
The first rest stop we reached, 4 hours later, was disgusting. We bundled them up, carried them through brown, slushy snow just to find out that the “restaurants” inside were not staffed due to the weather. Apparently the bathrooms weren’t either. But they had to go. The paper mosaics I created on the toilet seats, while impressive to look at, didn’t hold up against the tantrum my 3YO had when she smelled the humid stalls. YOU try containing a tantrum’s pee.
2 hours later the traffic finally started to move and we were approaching the Turnpike, so we decided to see if we could find a restaurant in a town before we hit the land of Only Rest Stops. After two wrong turns, thirty minutes of whining and crying about desperate hunger pains and having to go to the bathroom, we happened upon this here Fridays, where we got a parking spot right in front of the door. Rather than shift everything around in the trunk to dig for their coats again, we each grabbed a kid and ran inside.
I’m glad you had your kids and I’m glad you raised them right. And I’m thrilled that you never let your babies out in the snow without jackets. What a relief. And I’m happy that you and your friend were nice and toasty in your faux fur and could start your Escalade via remote from the vestibule while I held the door open for you.
And I’m glad you felt free to say whatever you wanted to in front of my kids. Because I couldn’t. I couldn’t congratulate you on making a harried mom feel even worse in < :30. I couldn’t comment on your superior glances at each other, or on the way you drove next to our car through the next two lights, still laughing. Probably not at me, but that’s how it felt. No, I was stuck in my silence because my kids were listening. Just like they were listening to the girl at Starbucks, “Mama? What does ‘hump-and-dump’ their boyfriend mean?” And just like they were listening to you.
“Don’t worry, Mama,” whispered ONE. “I like not wearing a coat.”
But you know what? You still made me happy this week. Because you ain’t my mama. You DON’T get it. And I’ll never see you again.
Sincerely,
CK
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What makes you
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!!! = Intentional Happiness
©2011 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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{ 29 comments }
Nothing like a little judgement to go with your overpriced food on a sucky road trip.
Girl, it IS okay. I KNOW what you are doing is hard…and you are doing a great job. :)
You ain’t my momma…thank God for that. I hope she got stuck in a snowdrift on the way home and her heater broke. I’m vindictive like that. And…I love it that your girl said that to you. What a beautiful heart she has.
I ask you, CK….where they english teacher? Or where they manners? More important to give to your children than coats…if you ask me.
I loathe those people who can start their cars with remotes….coats or not.
This is pretty funny. I’ve been there sista! You do what you gotta do. It’s funny though when my oldest son was a baby I came down to visit my mom and we were walking on the boardwalk in May or June. My son had pulled off his hat in his stroller but it was warm out. Some old lady walked by and said “That baby needs a hat”. JEEZ-US lady! My mother was standing right next to me and she didn’t have a freakin’ problem with it!
My son is now 17 and searching for colleges. He lived and so will your girls. Have a great weekend.
Just because you wear a fur albeit faux it still can’t mask the fact that you sound like you live in a van down by the river!
Sometimes people need to criticize to make themselves feel better. Its quite apparent that you’re a better mom than she, if she’s ever even had the priviledge-which I hope she hasn’t if she’s sets such examples of being rude and judgemental! Glad you survived the road trip!
Ooooh. I hope they got a big flat tire on they Escalade, and don’t know how to change one.
I once strolled the mall in winter time (in need of a quick gift) with my son only in a diaper as he’d sh*t all over his (back up)clothes. I TOTALLY understand!
“Let me tell you all about they coats.” I didn’t time it, but I’m guessing I laughed for a good three minutes over that.
That’s all I’ve got besides: I’m horrified at your ordeal in getting back home. Good on you for finding the !!! in it. You’d have found me rocking back and forth in the fetal position on a snowy hilltop long before that first rest stop. Without a coat.
I’m so sad I didn’t get to meet that delightful woman. I’d have invited her over to my house for S&*t sandwiches.
Love this response KW!
And this is why you shouldn’t judge – because you don’t know WHAT IN THE HELL you are judging. People like that judge everyone and everything because they have some kind of superiority complex and a host of other issues – the least of which is proper grammar.
Don’t worry about “they” – you are doing a fine job and don’t let anyone tell you different.
They were rude.
Because what if “they didn’t have they coats” cuz your house just burned down? Or your car was broken into? Or you were on the run from a crazy dad? It could be anything…there’s always a reason…so, people, do not be rude.
Rude does not make the world a better place.
To the lady at Friday’s, for whom you held the door: you’re f*%#ing welcome.
I reserve the use of my longshoreman’s mouth in public locations (this being one of them) for only the most deserving occasions. This counts!
What a piece of work…Perhaps, instead of focusing on the pressumed mistakes of others, she should concentrate on practicing proper English…Just because you have a coat does not make you exempt from speaking properly, especially if you are going to be snooty in a loud voice…
Just saying….
I so get you! I have done the very same thing in travels back and forth to Michigan. We always shove the coats in the back cuz’ who needs them on the 4.5 hour ride? We just run really fast into the rest stop to pee and then run really fast back out. We’ve been doing it for 6 years and no one has died yet.
There will always be jerks in the world and you have given me yet another reason why I’ll never live north of the Mason Dixon line.
OK< I think we should all make a pact that when we are in our older ages, our children grown, and grand babies to bounce on our knees, we will remember what it was like to have a 3 yo and a 5 yo, with the uncontrollable tantrum pees, the whining, crying and the reactions to being pushed beyond the limits…and we will not judge those families…because we have been there before.
I pledge.
MOTHERS know better than to belittle others–there are always extenuating circumstances. And those are always unknown to the viewer. The only ones who would dare comment are: 1) Childless, and 2) Ancient.
The appropriate response for childless is: “Kids! Never can keep them in coats!”
The appropriate response for ancient is: “Those old people, their lack of hormones makes them crotchety.”
Hope that helps.
Oh.. How I *love* ONE… She always says the right thing at the right time… I think that MUST come from good mothering (coats or no coats ;)
It’s so easy to pass judgment on others when we have no idea what’s happening in their lives. I’ve never yet met the “perfect” mom, nor have I have ever seen the “perfect” kids.
I’ve always chuckled when moms say to me “oh my kid NEVER blah blah” and then my kids come from school telling me that the kid did do the blah blah but their mom doesn’t know LOL.
One of the funniest is my girls were always allowed to have boyfriends. Another woman never tired of telling me how I was making a mistake allowing my girls to have boyfriends. Her daughter was not allowed to date blah blah. Yep…her daughter had a boyfriend and snuck around to see him and everyone but her mom knew. No such thing as the perfect kid or the perfect mom :)
CK, Judgments abound don’t they? They certainly suck, because no one ever REALLY knows the shoes you’ve been walking in. Like you said, you will never see them again. Amen to that.
Obviously you don’t need me to tell you what a great mom you are, you obviously have lots of readers to do that. But, let me tell you that I absolutely laughed and became furious while reading your blog. Thanks.
Reason #873,515 that I hate snow.
Also? I never put the kids in coats in the car or running to and from the car. If we have to park way out in a parking lot? Yes, coats. If we park right next to a store? No, no coats. And they never wear coats in the car … ever.
I would’ve let the door go on her.
I get that comment all the time from my dad when the kids walk into his house with no coats. We live 7 minutes away and they were in the car the whole time, seriously you think they’re gonna freeze from the driveway to the front door.
““Don’t worry, Mama,” whispered ONE. “I like not wearing a coat.”” == HEART SQUEEZE!
And you’re a FANTASTIC Mom. Always.
See, that’s why someone came up with the saying, “No good deed goes unpunished”. She might have been wearing a coat, but she was cold about as cold as someone that practices “hump and dump” dating.
Faux fur, an Escalade and smugness….her opinion obviously doesn’t count. Particularly since she doesn’t understand the basics of the English language.