don’t blink

by ck on September 4, 2012

Don’t blink…
…or you’ll find yourself watching your second grader (your once-tiny-baby), sashay-shante through your living room, modeling her new school clothes, which were purchased at the mall because that’s where her favorite store was. When did she get a favorite store, anyway? And why does she instinctively know how to move to RuPaul’s “Supermodel?”

Don’t blink…
…or you’ll find yourself reading “The Care and Keeping of You*” with said second grader. (Breathe…breathe…)

Don’t blink…
…or both of your girls will start spotting boobs wherever you go. (And because they still think that all boobs are like yours–as in, they come standard with the bra–they’ll notice “different” boobs everywhere.) Drooping on some people, shiny and cleavage-y on others. Misplaced and hanging with the backpacks at Target. They’ll even hear them in conversations.

TWO: Daddy? What present did you get your friend?

HUSBAND: Booze.

TWO: Boobs? Is that what grown-ups get each other for their birthdays?

Don’t blink…
…or that same sweet 4YO who still says words incorrectly will turn to you in her most grown-up fashion and offer to use her allowance to buy you a new “bathing soup,” because she really didn’t care for the one you wore all summer.

Don’t blink…
…or it will be other people’s daughters (not yours) doing awesome things like sticking maxi pads to their dresses just before joining everyone for lunch. Why didn’t your daughters ever do things that when they were little? Maybe you should’ve left the box of maxis at a closer level. Of course, if you try to do that now you’ll actually have to have a conversation about what they are and why you have them, bringing you back to “The Care and Keeping of You*,” which would suck.

Don’t blink…
…or you’ll find yourself standing outside of the elementary school, waving good-bye to your second grader, who for the first time doesn’t “need” you to walk her to her classroom.

Don’t blink…
…or your youngest will start confiding that she’d prefer it if you didn’t come on the class trips this year. Even though her school doesn’t start for another week, so she has no idea if she’ll even have any classtrips to ditch you for.

Don’t blink…
…or might find yourself finally understanding why parents who were totally in the clear, with all of their children in school, start having babies again.

Don’t blink…
…or you might find yourself coping with Empty Nest: Phase One by bringing home one of these:

*I get nothing for saying this, but all kidding aside, I really like “The Care and Keeping of You.” It’s a great starting place for growing up, body-type conversations.
©2012 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

 

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{ 16 comments }

Corinn September 4, 2012 at 7:18 am

At least with a dog there is less of a worry that you are royally screwing them up for life. People tend to take bad puppy owner better than bad mommy.

Wow 2nd grade. Before you know it she’ll be using those maxi pads for real. My friend always jokes cause he said my son will be grown up before I knew it and sure enough he did.

ck September 4, 2012 at 10:27 am

Shhhhhhh! I’ve heard some girls are getting their periods as early as 8. I don’t think I could handle it.

TheKitchenWitch September 4, 2012 at 10:06 am

You got a dog?!

ck September 4, 2012 at 10:27 am

Mentally we’ve already brought him home. But no, he’s not here yet.

It was either that or get the snip reversed. :) And we all know how BAD it would be if I brought another (human) baby home.

Tiffany September 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I blinked and…

My daughter has those “boobs” now and has to wear a training bra.
My oldest son wears Axe body spray and deodorant that says ” Guaranteed Female Attention”
My youngest son doesn’t say “somefing” and “nuffing” anymore. But he still says “nuse” instead of “use”.

I’ll take that.

Heather Caliri September 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

We are making a sad, sad catalog of all the mispronunciations. Sad because they are disappearing so rapidly. No more Cici for Lucy. No more bowder for batter. Sigh.

Gigi September 4, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Sending you bunches and bunches of tape to keep those eyelids open. Because I just sent mine off to college and I could SWEAR it was only yesterday that he was starting kindergarten.

Sim September 4, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Haha – sitting here typing one handed holding the 3 month old foster baby – my two are 8 and 12, and the dog is asleep on the couch. Blinking is dangerous!!!

ck September 12, 2012 at 6:41 am

SIM!! Wow. That’s awesome.

Charity Deleon September 5, 2012 at 8:57 am

It’s so ture as if in a blink of an eye our children grow up and we often feels as if we missed their whole chilhood. I don’t reember when exactly it started but they have a mind of thier own too early on. The mall becomes their most favorite place in the world and your opinion starts to become obsolete. Still at 16 and 14 my two oldest are trying to cut the cord and I keep reeling them back in.

ck September 12, 2012 at 6:44 am

It’s encouraging to know that reeling them is is still possible at that age. (Or, maybe this is a sign that I need to start working on my upper arm strength…)

Emily @ Motherfog September 6, 2012 at 10:37 pm

It happens this fast, huh? I must remind myself for this when I am tearing my hair out with these toddlers. I often wonder why God made the first few years so exhausting and difficult. I know I’ll look back and wish I could do it all over again and just relax and enjoy it!

naptimewriting September 7, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Boobs? That’s totally what I get my friends for birthdays.

ck September 12, 2012 at 6:38 am

Really? My birthday’s 10/21. Just sayin’…

Fie upon this quiet life September 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I have boys, so they’ll never truly get beyond 12 years old, right?

ck September 12, 2012 at 6:38 am

hahahahaha! (I’m kind of jealous, actually…)

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