tornado watch

by ck on September 19, 2012

The weird thing about panicking is that it makes perfect sense. At first. Like, when a friend turns to you at dance class and comments on how the elementary schools will keep the kids in the safe zone during pick-up if the tornado touches down nearby.

Tornado?

Tornado?

Honestly, is there a better time for sound to stop? For your heart to pound so fast that your lungs determine there’s no room for breath? It wasn’t even a warning, it was a watch, and we’re in Virginia. So I shouldn’t have even given it a second thought. Okay, maybe a second. But definitely not a third. And forth. And fifth. Because we don’t get real tornados in Virginia. But my brain, which could normally be counted on to forget important information, picked that moment to point out that no one expected we’d lose power for a week because of that big hurricane years ago. It’s Virginia. We don’t get real hurricanes. And no one thought we’d get slammed by feet of snow two years in a row. It’s Virginia. We don’t get real snow. And don’t even get me started about the earthquake. Newborn compared to worldly standards, sure, but it’s Virginia…

As I drove TWO home from dance I kept peeking up at the sky. It was a deep gray with bright white clouds moving faster than my car. Pretty much the wrong color for a tornado, but maybe there was one was hiding in there. I called my Calm & Cool Best Friend, casually asking if she’d heard anything about the schools closing early. She laughed, and in a calm and cool manner assured me that everything was fine and promised she’d call if she heard something. I laughed. She was right. I relaxed.

Over the years I’ve been super blessed to make a number of wonderful best friends. It’s neat how that happens. How in elementary school you go from lots of friends, to smaller groups, to two or one very best friends. And as you grow older, you’re able to have lots of best friends again. Friends who know the different sides to your messes and love you anyway. Childhood best friends, school best friends, college best friends, best friends in the church community, best friends through your kids. Bad movie best friends. Calm and cool best friends.

And then there are the Perfect Timing Best Friends. The ones who don’t know that you’re about to panic again and yet somehow show up at your house with french-fries just as a huge gust of wind blows open your storm door. My Perfect Timing Best Friend had no idea that natural disasters were my #1 big fear. She had no idea that her presence was grounding me. That she was the only reason I hadn’t flipped. Why would she? Natural disasters don’t happen around here enough for my freak out tendencies to make themselves known. But by the time I was stuffing my face with fries, I knew it would be okay. I didn’t have to share my inner turmoil. I could choose not to panic. I’d be seeing ONE in 45 minutes. No need to disrupt the classroom. Worry the kids. Be the freak out mom.

My Perfect Timing Best Friend turned to me and asked, “This tornado thing is nothing to worry about, right?”

I put down the fries. “You shouldn’t ask me that,” I whispered. Silence. When I finally looked up, she was staring at me, eyes wide. Minutes later we were driving in a downpour to get our kids. My poor friend. She had no idea what she signed on for when she decided she liked me.

Soaked, we entered the school. One of the secretaries had the door propped open, assuring us it was okay to get our kids. I walked to my daughter’s class. Her teacher smiled at me and pointed me toward the art room. My heart was a wreck by the time I got there. The art teacher looked at me. I was a stringy, wet mess.

“Are you here because of the weather? Is it that bad out there?”

I’m just…” I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. But her eyes finished the sentence. …one of the freak out moms.

But  it’s a good thing I picked my daughter up when I did. The weather was intense. And I mean INTENSE. As intense as a mister in the produce aisle. The worst part about giving in to panic (other than the actual panicking part) is how exposed and stupid you feel when it passes. It’s like looking behind you and realizing that you just trailed dog poop on someone else’s brand new carpet. I kept staring out the window, hoping for at least a bolt of lightning. Something. But no. The only time thunder rolled through our house was when I argued with ONE over her homework assignment, which she probably would’ve done at school if I’d left her there. I felt so stupid I almost threw up.

That was when my Perfect Timing Best Friend texted: “You & I are quite the pair. So sorry to have instigated the rescue mission…for a drizzle…”

I laughed, but still felt queasy. Her son was in Kindergarten. He’d only been at school for three weeks. It was acceptable for a kindergarten mom to do something like this. And then my phone rang. It was my Calm & Cool Best Friend. I dropped my head in disgrace. I almost didn’t answer.

“Did you wind up picking her up early?” she asked.

“Yes,” I moaned, overcome by the need to dump my shame all over her. “And it’s not even raining out. I feel like such an idiot.”

“I know!” she laughed. “I picked mine up, too.”

“You did?” I immediately felt better. Her daughter was also in second grade.

“Yeah…I expected there would be parents and kids steaming out of the building. But no, it was just us…”

I took a deep breath, the embarrassment subsiding. This wasn’t my first public panic. It wouldn’t be my last. But in the meantime, here’s to exposing inner fears and shame so that friends can be your friends anyway.

I can only hope my daughters make the same kind of friends in their elementary school as I have.

 ©2012 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

 

WANT SOME DAILY AFFIRMATION THAT YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY BAD MOMMY OUT THERE? FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, INSTAGRAM: BADMOMMYMOMENTS, OR COME VENT ON FACEBOOK. WE’LL BAD-MOMMY IT TOGETHER.

 

{ 13 comments }

TheKitchenWitch September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

I love this story. And you. SuperFreak.

ck September 20, 2012 at 9:23 am

I’ve been singing “Super Freak” since yesterday. My family thanks you. :)

Alison September 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

After the derecho, I completely understand. The one thing I really do not like about our new house is looking out the windows during a storm to see the treetops of giant trees whipping back and forth in the wind….

ck September 20, 2012 at 9:25 am

I KNOW. I love how old our neighborhoods look. Old homes, old trees, old everything. It’s historic. Peaceful.

Until a storm.

Sara September 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I’m in awe of you friends! Such a blessing for you to have them. I only say this as I get the “Silent Breakup” from a local friend. It resonated with me and it is good to not lose faith that there are amazingly wonderful people out there who accept quirky people. :) I’m also a Texan, tornado’s aren’t a big boogy man to me because my mom was the one screaming and wailing and gnashing her hair every time the sky turned. I swore not to be like her, so I’ve learned to enjoy storms and to have a good plan in place, just in case. Love the blog!

ck September 20, 2012 at 9:31 am

I’m so sorry about the local breakup. I’ve had those. They’re weird and unsettling and just plain sad. (Especially if you live in your head and overanalyze everything–the way I do!) I hope someone wonderful comes into your life to fill that void.

And you’re right. I really need to put a good plan in place. Plans always make me feel safer.

Gigi September 19, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Hmmm, you and I might not be a good pair. Between the two of us we’d be freaking out over everything!

ck September 20, 2012 at 9:34 am

Which is totally why we need to get together. Freak Out Moms Unite!

Jen September 19, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I have been so bad at commenting for a long time, but I LOVED this post. Truly. I’m the freak out mom.

ck September 20, 2012 at 9:33 am

Welcome to the club. Want to share my “Super Freak” theme song?

Tiffany September 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm

I’m not a superfreak mom…but you have to go with your gut. And yours was telling you to pick them up!!! :)

amber_mtmc September 20, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I am the freak out mom as well. Plus, we get tornado sirens all the time and I still run to the basement when I see bad weather.

Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri October 1, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Loved so much about this post. Thanks CK!

Previous post:

Next post: