I never thought I’d say this, but I think I actually miss our forever afternoons at the park…
Dear Smoker in the Sandbox:
Please don’t mistake this for concern in regards to your health. Right now I’m not concerned with the state of your lungs and other nearby organs. That is between you and your Marlboro Reds. What I’m concerned with is the sand cake my daughter and her friend made for me yesterday.
You know how kids are. They get fixated on a certain park activity and it becomes essential for them to complete it in order for the park trip to be considered a success. For some kids it’s going on the swings first. For others it’s climbing up the slide. For my kid it’s making a sand birthday cake for me. The size and texture of her creations vary and according to the twig candles she usually decorates with I’m somewhere between 4 and 20 years old. Yesterday, according to the cigarette butts you left in the sandbox, I turned 9.
The first time I turned 9, I was excited. I mean, my age could almost be represented by a flash of all ten fingers. This time the only flash of all ten fingers came as I yanked the “candles” out of the “icing” to the horrified screams of my daughter and her friend. Happy Birthday to me.
And speaking of flashing, just in case you also happen to be the individual who got lucky in the climbing area last night, kudos on using protection. That’s fantastic. Perhaps next time, if there is a next time, you might consider either doing it in an area not frequented by children, or tossing out your condom wrapper. I mean, my two-year-old is happy to pick up the shiny packaging and hand it to me to throw in the trash, but hopefully you can understand why I don’t want either of us touching something you discarded in a heated frenzy. At the park. On the made-from-recycled-items play area.
I guess I could thank you for throwing out the actual condom, which I know wasn’t there because I searched for about twenty minutes, lest my kids find it first. But I’m not feeling particularly grateful right now. I’m too busy trying to calculate how many sanitizing wipes I’d need to de-germ the platforms and slides and other places you might have possibly celebrated your conquest.
And on my 9th birthday, no less.
©2009 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED