She meant nothing by it; it was just a picture she drew of me the other day. She draws lots of pictures of me.
But I can’t stop staring at it.
Maybe it’s because my hair looks good, or my nails are done, or my boots are hot. Or maybe it’s because I feel like she’s somehow captured the the next stage of my life. Innocently assigned me my future.
In addition to my current posts as daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, cook (currently on an accidental strike), cleaner (ditto), driver, homework overseer, reader, confidant, comforter, co-disciplinarian, problem-solver, writer, mediator, and ignorer, I’m soon-to-be a detective.
Where I was once in the lead, dragging her along, I’m now one step behind. Searching for clues to what she’s feeling. What she’s experiencing. What she’s doing. Who she’s becoming and how I fit into her world. Following a trail of my good intentions, praying they lead her in the right direction.
She meant nothing by it; it was just 7 seven colors colliding on a page.
And yet I still can’t stop staring at it.
Reading into it feelings that don’t yet exist, intentions not mature enough to be spotted, and creating scenerios like the over-thinker I can’t help being.
I hope those footsteps lead to her in the end.
(And that my legs look that good when I finally close the case.)
©2012 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
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{ 3 comments }
Oh, ck, you have ALWAYS been a detective… searching the clues along the path of motherhood… finding your way. This next step… I know you will be great at it, as well!
PS – Boys don’t draw cute pictures like that… just sayin’ ;)
Love this way of looking at parenthood. We’re searching for clues–and trying desperately to do so without them noticing :)
I like how you interpreted this…but don’t be too hard on yourself, ok?