the top 10 reasons why I had to laugh at you today

by ck on November 12, 2012

10 - Because it was funny. Get over it.

9 - My other option? Yelling. And not that growl of mine you claim is “yelling.” We’re talking the make-you-cry-before-I-even-speak yell. Just because I don’t normally yell doesn’t mean I can’t.

8 - You said, and I quote, “I’m a kid! I’m supposed to have a fun life. I’m not supposed to have to clean snot off of your sweatshirt.” (Hahahahahahaha!)

7 - Which directly followed, “You never told me I’d have to wash your sweatshirt if I blew my nose on it!”

6 - Which you did while I was wearing it. In the dairy aisle. Which wouldn’t have been funny if your completely absurd indignation hadn’t leaked all over the cheeses and yogurts.

5 - I tried to hide it, I really did. But my quiet raised your suspicion, which raised your volume, and the rest is pretty much your fault, which you also blame me for. Always funny.

4 - HINT: if you want me to stop snickering, stop claiming that “no one else your age does laundry.” I’m guessing that’s probably because no one else your age mistakes their mother’s gray, zipped-up, cotton hoodie for a kleenex.

3 - Your newly-minted sarcasm tickles me:

TWO: “Mama? What are your chores? I set the table and put the silverware away. And my sister feeds the dogs…”

YOU (under your breath): “Which you never paid us for.”

TWO: “But, Mama –  what’s left for you to do?”

YOU (under your breath): “Making sure I’m not happy.”

If I hadn’t already had a case of the giggles, my response would’ve been much different. In fact, you and the rest of your afternoon ought to thank me for my good humor. Next time? It’s not going down that way. Promise.

2 - You were wrong on every level possible, plus the levels you made up. When stomping to your room after being banished for incessant whining, you exclaimed, “Whining is NOT word diarrhea!” Um…yes it is. (Also? Hahahahahahaha!)

1 - I was right on every level possible, plus the levels you made up. But since all that wins me is more whining, I’m going to laugh. Because my other option? See #9.

©2012 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

 

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PS: TODAY IS THE OFFICIAL BOOK RELEASE DAY!!! YOU CAN ORDER A COPY OF BAD MOMMY MOMENTS ON AMAZON, BARNES & NOBLE, OR ON THE BAD MOMMY MOMENTS BOOK PAGE. THANK YOU!

 

{ 8 comments }

Jen @ Momalom November 13, 2012 at 10:57 am

Overheard 7YO, just last week: “I’m writing this in my journal. Nov. 6. Worst day of my life. Because of mom.”

I laughed.

Yup. Oh how I can’t WAIT for adolescence.

Naptimewriting November 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm

ROFLMAO.
But because I hate that acronym…rolling on the floor, laughing my ass off.

Seriously.

But not literally.

Jen @ Momalom November 13, 2012 at 10:57 am

P.S. Your BOOK! Ordering now.

TheKitchenWitch November 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

I have started growling, too! It’s weirdly satisfying. I feel like Clint Eastwood in “Grand Torino.”

Naptimewriting November 13, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The day we said to our mother, “you make gross lunches” was the day we got to start making them ourselves.

Fun for one week. After that? Whined that nobody our age had to make lunches.

I am totally going to make my kids do the laundry if they ever wipe on me. You’re a genius. Simple, straightforward consequence. Not cruel. Life lesson.

And bonus ready-for-college track.

Tiffany November 14, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Hilarious!! Good luck with the book release!

Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri November 15, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Congrats on the book release! I am so excited to purchase the book.

Eli@coachdaddy November 17, 2012 at 9:04 pm

When will the kids learn they’re no match for us?

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