*Disclaimer: (See Bottom of Post)
FIRST-TIME MOM: Takes enough photos of her beautifully swollen belly to make a time-lapse video that she shares online with everyone in her address book.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Riiiiiight. If the second child is lucky, she will get one belly photo, taken right before she is born. In low lighting and only from the side. No one needs a reminder of what the front looks like at this juncture.
FIRST-TIME MOM: Takes the brand new car seat to the firehouse to watch the safety video and have the firemen install the seat correctly.
SECOND-TIME MOM: YOU take a toddler to a firehouse to watch some lame video when you’re 9 months pregnant. Besides, she’s pretty sure she remembers how to do it herself. Whatever. It always shook a little.
FIRST-TIME MOM: Cannot let the child cry. She tries, she plans how she’ll do it, she does it for a day, but then there’s a cold or teething or the baby’s hungry or why would she cry for 40 minutes if there wasn’t something wrong? She’s shocked to find that the reasons never run out.
SECOND-TIME MOM: I know you’re fine. You’ve eaten, you’ve burped, your diaper is clean. You’re fine. Wear out your lungs. I’ll see you in the morning.
FIRST-TIME MOM: Is obsessed with the nursery. What colors? What patterns? How much is too much to spend on a rocker? And what do you mean, will we get a matching ottoman? Of course we will.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Well, I want them to eventually share a room, so let’s just put a pack-n-play in the guest room for the baby until they’re ready.
…of course the first child (at 3 1/2) still does not sleep entirely through the night without crying for some random reason. So the second child, now one year old (and a beautiful sleeper), finds herself thinking that the empty, gray guest room is her bedroom.
FIRST-TIME MOM: Is in love with the crib. Oh, it’s just beautiful. Have you seen it? And look at the matching changing table and end table. And the railing is not a teether!
SECOND-TIME MOM: Put the crib up so late in the game that the second child won’t sleep in it. She’ll only sleep in the pack-n-play. Hello, Craigslist…
FIRST-TIME MOM: Is so into the “schedule” that the first baby was always in her crib at naptime. This resulted in the child refusing to sleep in the car.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Right. Schedule. The second baby is out and about all the time, because the mom is not stupid enough to think that they’ll be okay spending every cold day in the house. So the second child makes it into the pack-n-play for about 70% of naps. This also resulted in the child refusing to sleep in the car.
FIRST-TIME MOM: My child will not eat sugar until she is at least one.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Wait, wait, wait! How’d your sister get a hold of your ice cream again?
FIRST-TIME MOM: My child will not watch any television until she is at least three years old.
SECOND-TIME MOM: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
FIRST-TIME MOM: We will not have a DVD player in the car. Ever.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Well, let’s see. What would you like to watch? We have Curious George, Berenstain Bears, Cinderella or Charlie and Lola.
FIRST-TIME MOM: Was sure she’d love the second child as much as the first, but couldn’t really picture it.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Is amazed at how much love she had tucked away in there.
FIRST-TIME MOM: This is so hard.
SECOND-TIME MOM: Why on earth did I think one kid was hard?
* This is a gross generalization. I’ve done absolutely no research, nor have I polled (or stolen) examples from other mothers I know. Part of me is happy if you think it’s about you, because that means I’m not the only one out there like this. However, please be assured that it’s not.
©2008 CEK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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